Sunday, December 11, 2011

Random Thoughts on Authority

I know it has been WAY too long! I think up many "posts" in my mind if that counts for anything! It counts to me because I actually write for growth. So, If I'm still writing in my head, then hopefully I'm still growing through many life lessons.

One thought I've been pondering lately is authority.

Jesus had ultimate authority during his time here on earth. I've been doing a Precept Study on the book of Matthew and his many miracles show what He had/has authority over. (demons, disease, nature). But, as I've been thinking about the word, authority, I just can't help but hear the root word, author. As an author you can take a story wherever you want.... You are the author. If God is the author and perfecter of our life, then why do we even want the reigns?

I'm not the author. I'm not the potter. I am the clay to be molded and I am the character to be shaped BY HIM. He is the author and I give HIM total authority without pretending to have any of it myself.

*on an authority side note*

I hear one daughter trying to tell the other daughter what to do. When the listening daughter doesn't obey the command. Commanding daughter says...and I quote: "MOM!!! Tell ____ to ________!" So, without skipping a beat and practically in a monotone voice I repeat the phrase.

This got an internal giggle of my mind. I am always telling my children the rules to follow, the behavior to do and choices to make. But, if they don't obey me when I'm teaching, why would they think I have ANY authority to get one of their sisters to DO something they can't get them to do?

Sunday, October 23, 2011


"The anger of a parent confronted with a child's poor choice shifts the focus from the child's bad behavior to the parent's angry response." - You Version Parenting by Design Daily Devotional

I'm hearing the Homer Simpson response in my head....."DOH!"

This is my greatest struggle right now in my mother role. I've always been told that we are the "tone-setters" of the home and generally I'm good with that. I even feel like I am consistent in disciplining and not withholding consequences to their actions.... but, about my angry response to their poor choices? Fail. 100% fail. I'm just as immature as they are when it comes to the tantrum I have.

Oh, how I need help. Any suggestions would be great. Prayer would be best! Thanks... :)

Lord, How I need you in this area. I hate that my response to the kiddos making the wrong choice angers me. Please help me to shepherd them as you do me. Give me the ability to be self-controlled and patient with their mistakes. In your precious name, Amen

Monday, August 15, 2011

Cool Breeze Century!

This week I fly to CA to ride in the Cool Breeze Century from Ventura, CA through Santa Barbara! I'm so excited to be raising money once again for Young Life! I'm finding that anytime you mention California, people want to know specifically what part. Well, I found a description of our bike route and a map with elevation that I'll post here.

The Metric Century and Century routes follow the coast to Carpinteria, then turn inland through the scenic orchards and flower ranches of East Santa Barbara County. The Metric will loop back through Montecito and on home, while the Century hooks up with the very challenging Double-Metric Century riders who have ridden the Ventura River Bike Trail, into East Ojai and over Casitas Pass and connecting with the Century Route into Goleta.

During numerous Team YL training rides, I've heard it said that if we can ride 40 + miles in Oklahoma, surely we can ride 100 in CA. It's just been so hot here, I think we are in for an amazing day on the bike. I'll try to post pics after this weekend! If anyone wants to donate, just email me or leave me a comment! (

Friday, August 5, 2011

Broken Record

I look at a mother of an infant and can easily remember what it felt like then. It's all about "the baby". A serious case of ESP (eating, sleeping and pooing) is all you live for in those first few months. Then, a personality develops. You live for the moments of connecting with giggles, first words and adorable moments that only someone that young can produce!

But, somewhere along this parenting journey, it shifts from "a baby" to a heart that needs shepherding. What a task! As I continually repeat the demands and the rules I feel like a broken record player....
yes, I had a record player back in my day, so I can refer to that as a valid analogy :)

Sometimes what is hard about the training of our children is how I "feel." I'll repeat the overstated rule or command and instantly think to myself, "Why do I even tell them this? They aren't going to "get it" until they are a parent." So, that feeling of "it-doesn't-do-any-good" takes over and then I am defeated.

I picture that young mother again and think how simple that was and how naive I was then. It is so incredibly difficult to parent well. Staying consistent and self-controlled are two challenges I face daily. I'm tempted with the lazy attitude of, "why teach 'em?" I mean, seriously. It makes me angry when they fail. It makes me exhausted because of the uphill battle that it feels like.

BUT YET, I am accountable and I have been called to train my children with the Word of God. And so, I do. I press on. I put my novel down and pick up the parenting books and I invest in the job I'm called to do today. For, it will be gone soon and I'll remember when.... :)

Father, I need you in ways I didn't know I'd need you when you gave me these daughters. I trust You completely! I thank you for them. Thank you for being on my team and being so Gracious. I couldn't imagine parenting without You and the Help and Strength that You are and that You freely provide. Thank you for Your Holy Spirit within me! Now, help my broken record to have your Grace Sound!
In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Victory Run

I've been told to go slow and not very far on my very first run since surgery. So, I tightened my shoelaces (they've been on lax-tie since January) and turned on my ipod. I intentionally did NOT wear my garmin as I did not want to see how slow I would run my very short distance back at it!

My goal was to the entrance of my neighborhood. That's a quarter of a mile.... Wahoo! We're talking big time, here!

On the way out I was paying attention to every bone and joint and muscle in my body. Then a good song came on and I felt myself settle in and a smile crept on my face. It was like some sort of long lost identity was found. I am a runner! Even when I was runner I didn't feel like I was a runner. But here I was in the 100 degree heat mid-summer-day in OK running with a smile on my face.

I came back to the house and got my knee brace (that I was supposed to have on in the first place) and headed back out to the entrance of my neighborhood. On my way back, I decided that I could call this almost ONE mile run a victory run because I stopped due to the heat... NOT pain, NOT injury, NOT weakness!!!!

I think I've logged my first run back after injury, surgery and recovery :)

I feel a little like this:

Monday, June 13, 2011

Look and Learn

I choose to fix my eyes on Jesus. When my total focus is on HIM, He is all I want. He is all I desire. I’m ready for eternity with Him. I’m ready to do His will. I’m ready to be used by Him and my love for Him makes me want to live my life on earth all for His glory. May all see Him and desire Him!

I’ve just finished the first of three books that tell a story about some really bad things that people do. Since I don’t have my hands on the second book in this trilogy I just flipped on the TV in order to have some background noise as I played words with friends on my phone. The news that was broadcasted into my hotel room was so disheartening; I had to stop and think.

The book I read was fiction. The TV was not. It was showing clips of sex scandals with politicians over the years. The lies fell from their lips to cover their shame, and then the next clip was the apology. I listened and realized that they aren’t much different from a lot of the bible characters I’ve read about. It’s sad really to watch the destruction and pain from wrong choices.

I get that wrong choices are where we do most of our learning. But, can we not start to learn from others wrong choices? Now, I’m thinking about my children. Can I not show them numerous mistakes made so that they can learn? As most parents desire to “shelter” their children from hearing and learning things too early, I’m starting to wonder if the more you tell them and share with them now, the more equipped they’ll be for what they will face.

For now, I’ll continue to teach them the truth that comes from my all time favorite hymn:
“Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.”

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Hot Dogs and Ka-Bobs

Inspiration for finding joy has found me today. Friendly faces fluttered in and out of my home yesterday and joy is once again restored. I'm sure that difficult place I was in is lurking and would love to set up camp in my mind and heart but it is not welcome here.

Meal planning has always been a challenge for me and when I had the idea to grill some yummy ka-bobs for Nick and me for dinner, I knew the kiddos wouldn't like it so much. So, I came up with the idea of grilling hot dogs for them. Once the catchy rhyme played in my head I smiled. Hot Dogs and Ka-Bobs made me smile. Really? Sometimes you never know what will put a smile on a face and some joy restored to your heart, but for today I will relish in it and secretly smile as we eat dinner tonight!

Monday, May 9, 2011

Tick Tock

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

I grew up hearing that.

So, as I've gone to post in my blog lately, I stare at the cursor and eventually just close the screen and walk away. It is sad to me that my knee and this injury/surgery and recovery can cause such a depression within me. I used to love to run. I was outside. I was listening to podcasts. I was moving.

Filling my time doing rides and runs was great for me... for my soul... for my identity. Now I sit wondering what I will do or become if it isn't returned to me. Even cleaning the house, yoga, planting, anything with squatting, kneeling or bending is too difficult for me. So, I'm sitting in this place of identity loss and confusion.

Inspiration has left me. Motivation has vanished. And all too quickly (there's the tick tock) that big yellow bus will no longer come and take my kiddos away. I'll be in this place each day with them by my side desiring adventure and play. I am trying to embrace where I am and live fully and find the thankfulness that I have to give each day. I just needed to write why I haven't been writing.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Even the Seeds of Weeds

It is that time of year again.... the time of year where all sorts of spiritual analogies flood my mind as my hands are in the earth digging, pulling, planting and pruning.

Forgive me if I've shared or overused these analogies... but the Bible is to blame. Jesus used plant analogies LOTS, so I will to.

We want the good stuff, the pretty flowers, to take root and flourish. Right? So, I look at all that is involved in helping that desire along. I find great soil and I feed each plant with some pebbled looking "root blast". Root blast? Really? Well, hmmmm..... what would root blast look like spiritually in my life? In your life?
I water. I gingerly handle the plant and give it a nice place to live as I will it to take root.

But the weeds? Oh, no! I grip firmly and practically curse the entire root existence out of my flower beds. Be gone. I give some muscle into it and I pull with might and you know what? It's messy sometimes when it finally loosens and releases it's root from it's home. A messy splash of dirt in my face and all over my clothes cause me to think about how messy it is to deal with the sin in our lives especially to the root of the issue. What has taken root in your life that will be messy once you start to get a grip on it and begin the removal process? And even more... that one weed and the root that you've dealt with all too often has inevitably left some of it's seeds in that region.

The weed's seeds are there, my friend. Once exposed it more difficult to maintain weed free. Some may hear this fully and some may not. But, I caution you to not think you have dealt with the issue because the isolated event was dealt with. Those seeds go deep. But, God goes even deeper still.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Run. Bike. Dog-paddle.

Wouldn't that be a great bumper sticker? Run. Bike. Dog-paddle.

As I'm doing my physical therapy and thinking down the road of just what MIGHT be in my future, a triathlon popped into my head. When it popped in, I came up with this bumper sticker idea and think I could get pretty rich off of it. I can't tell you how many people say that the swim is their weak area.

Then, you know me... I had to plug this in somehow to something spiritual. :)

How many of us have a weak area? Praying. Evangelizing. Reading or memorizing Scripture. Giving.

When I think of God desiring our WHOLE heart, our WHOLE mind and our WHOLE soul (Matthew 22:37) I want to give 100% in all areas. Instead of passing something off as weakness, I want to let that be an area for HIM to be STRONG. (2 Corinthians 12:10b) And Lastly, I know that God desires for us to be sold out in one direction or the other (Matthew 6:24). He will not stand for the lukewarm (Revelation 3:15 & 16).

So, I will strive to use God's strength in ALL areas of my life. Will You?

And about that bumper sticker... I may not strive to be a better swimmer, so if any of you turn this into a bumper sticker, just make sure I get some of the proceeds!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Egg Shell Growth

Since I'm an open book, the real deal, extremely (too a fault sometimes) transparent; I used to the think of the idea of "walking on eggshells" as wrong. But this morning when approached by a subject matter that I KNOW can put a halt to the rhythm of our school morning routine I decided that there was nothing more appropriate or right than walking on eggshells!

As I treaded lightly through the minefield of this dilemma, I realized that over the years, wisdom has found me. Ironically enough, smarts hasn't found me as I've spell-checked twice already :)

Please hear me. This is not a prideful tone saying wisdom has found me. Truly it's an "a-ha" moment for me to watch how I respond differently to things because of life's experiences.

My Daddy always told me I wouldn't be grown-up until I ate tomatoes. Well, I eat them now, but I think I've grown up and matured because I'm finally learning from so many battles that could have been avoided had I treaded lightly!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Live Fully

When I wrote about our decision to stay in OK instead of moving to CO I had said that God clearly showed us we were to be here. There was a work that God had begun here on this street and I knew in my heart that God wanted me to listen to Him and be used by Him. I am so humbled as I write this story.

I remember thinking and possibly even saying to Nick that if we are called to stay in OK for my neighbor to enter into a relationship with Jesus, securing a place with God in eternity, then it is worth it! So, as documented on my blog, we accepted the job in December and I had mentally prepared for the years of growing in my relationship and watching for opportunities for God to use me and my life to show her HIM! These things take time, right? .....Yeah, on God's time table. Who knows how many perfectly placed seeds had been placed in her 50 + years of life that brought her to her readiness to call on His name and invite Him into her heart just three days ago!!

In these days following her decision, I have been able to first-hand watch transformation take place. I am so full right now. My life just feels FULL. I am humbled to be in a place where God is using me. Here I was in the midst of some physical pain and out of my routine trying to learn to give thanks in everything and BAM... My neighbor accepts Jesus!

Through this process, I realize how rich in faith I am. How blessed I am for all the flannel graph board stories, sword drills, bible verses memorized, life lessons learned, and 30 plus years of being in a relationship with Jesus. I am rich and I am full. I am choosing to live more fully with thankfulness in my heart. Are you?

Monday, March 7, 2011

MRI results are in...

.....As I laid in two different machines that hammered away images that would reveal to the doctor exactly what action to take with my troubled shoulder and knee, I prayed. I told God that I was so glad that He knew exactly what was going on and I took great comfort that the same God that created all the tissue and tendons and muscles and bones in my body was with me in the stillness (but not the silence) of the MRI.

Today, I patiently waited for the Dr. to finally review what was found. I felt like a medical student hearing advanced terminology for the first time and needing to see it all written on a piece of paper. Okay, i don't really know what it feels like to be a medical student in any way at all, but you get the point.

I received a steroid shot in my shoulder today to help with the rotator cuff impingement. After the inflammation is down a bit, with some stretching, hopefully we will kick this bursitis right out of there :) .... maybe swimming will be in my future?

Surgery has been schedule for my knee the week after spring break. We would have done it this week, but I am planning on taking my girls to CO for their Spring Break and I did not want to cancel on them.

So, the specifics: It's a knee arthroscopy with lateral meniscectomy and a chondroplasty. Yeah, I had to google all those words. Basically a short outpatient arthroscopic knee surgery with a pretty good recovery time.... considering I've already been out of commission for six weeks. Heck, what's another month or two?

My attitude and "take" on the report: I'm thankful. I'm thankful for doctors that can actually do something about what I've been suffering from. I will be posting soon about a book I'm reading that is showing/teaching me the importance of thankfulness in EVERTYTHING!!!!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

I Defer

1. Put off (an action or event) to a later time; postpone.
2. Submit humbly to

I just sent an email to the people who run the OKC Memorial Marathon. I am requesting to defer my registration to next year's event. I had an MRI on my knee yesterday and will find out exactly what is going on with it on Monday. I haven't been able to run since the end of January and I have, as the definition above says in #2.... submitted humbly to this.

Defeat and depression are two temptations I'm battling with often as a result of not being able to currently do anything in the physical exercise department. Yeah, it's more than just my knee. I edited the Children's song to apply specifically to my areas of trouble.... It goes like this:
"Neck and shoulder, back and knee, back and knee..." (sung to head and shoulders knees and toes)
I could throw in the past injuries that include the finger and wrist, but who needs to hear about that? All I know is yoga, swimming, biking, walking, running, jumping jacks, or the like are OUT!

So, how am I handling this? Most days, victoriously.

Knowing that this is just a season helps me. This is why I chose to defer my registration. I have my sight set on the future time when my body might be able to be conditioned once again. Until then, I'm trying my best to NOT complain in today's season. So, if you are hanging out with me and I'm quiet.... I'm just choosing to not complain.

Monday, February 7, 2011


Like a journal that was lost or forgotten, How do I even catch this blog up after a month?

It's not that SO much has happened, it's that I've had so much negativity within me, each time I began a post, It came out too "junky" if you will.

Nick has begun traveling with his new job. This is only somewhat of a hardship. I remember having little pre-schoolers with a traveling husband and that was a HUGE hardship. It's nice that the girls are older and it is not as difficult to manage things around here while he's gone. But, it still is a hardship nonetheless.

I've had physical sickness and pains this past month that have me at my whit's end!!!

We have had and will have again snow around here causing school to be closed.... egats! Need I say more about that one?

But I must say that in the midst of all of this, I feel so close to Jesus. He is my true REFUGE. I completely trust that I am right where I am supposed to be and that my current difficulties are hand-crafted for me.

As I've been in Physical Therapy, I see a guy next to me who truly does have it worse than me. But, that doesn't make my "bad" go away. As a matter of fact, ( I know I've posted about this before.... but here I go again) a healthy dose of perspective is good for any or all who will but look. There is a HUGE difference between taking a look to gain perspective and taking a look to compare.

My church just did a wonderful sermon on comparisons this past week. Check it out if you want to here! All of it was so applicable. So, now, in the hard that I've had and the hard I will have, I'm keeping my eyes on Jesus asking Him what I am to learn from it. Who am I to be as a result of it?

God, May I be a wonderful example to all or any that watch what I go through. May your Spirit deliver the patience and strength I need. Thank you for personally loving me. Thank you for being on my side and not against me.

Thursday, January 6, 2011


When things are hard, I want to go to heaven because I know things won't be hard there. Isn't that, in fact, part of the excitement of heaven? I know that the other part is being with Jesus, worshiping our LORD for all eternity. But when I utter the words, "Come, LORD Jesus" like so many of us do to suggest that we are tired of fighting the fight; I sense that it is a cop out.

Follow me on this. It's important. My desire to go to heaven during difficult times is ultimately saying, "I want out. I choose the finality of my life here on earth."

Now, tucked under the sayings of "I want to go to heaven" or "Come, LORD Jesus" it sounds almost spiritually noble.

I've struggled for years thinking of heaven as a great option. Option? That's not what heaven is. That is me merely not believing that "He, who began a good work in me; will be faithful to complete it." That is me not fighting the good fight. Not shining my light like a city on a hill. Not being salt.

I know that God has made me and uses me daily and has a plan for my life. I have HIS Spirit living within me. But, how dark is it when you face the actual temptation to take your own life? Yes. I am talking about suicide here. Have you ever thought it, wished it, felt it...... actually been tempted by it? How can you be tempted by it if it isn't something you desire?

Well, let me tell you it is very dark to have a temptation like that thrown at you.

I know I'm not alone.

I just want to talk about a dark experience that I once had so that the light is so clearly seen. The "way out" mentioned in 1 Cor. 10:13 can be seen. I was tempted to swallow every pill in my house one time. In that temptation, I wailed out with tears to God. In a fetal position, I cried with guilt that the thought even entered my head. I cried with sadness that many people feel this and actually give in. I knew I wouldn't do it, but to be tempted by it saddened me.

In that sadness, I felt the very LIFE of GOD within me. No wonder people who are not in a living, breathing relationship with Jesus are able to give in to such darkness. Was that one of the darkest moments of my life? YES. But, HE was there. It was GOD WHO held me in that place. I didn't all of the sudden spring up and leap for joy and skip around to face life. I did, however, get up. I blew my nose. I let out another cry at my reflection in the mirror. Then, I thanked God for being there with me in my darkest places.

People talk about the science of light. It is more powerful than dark. Darkness cannot overtake the LIGHT. Well, I was in the darkest place during that moment of temptation and the LIGHT of Christ shined within me allowing me to be led out.

If you've ever been there or are there now and you want me to pray for you, I take it very seriously that there is a much bigger battle going on at that time and I would consider it an honor to fight the battle with you by praying.

Psalm 34:19
"A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all;"

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Static cling annoyance!

I was taking down the Christmas decorations and the tree stood waiting. As everything was packed in boxes and waiting for the attic, I turned and faced the tree. I did NOT want to tackle this. I could handle the ornaments if that was all I was taking down but the lights, oh, the lights!!! I watched Nick struggle work to put all those lights up! I know, I know, the words PRE - LIT are running through my head too at this point of the story.

I had those darn little green fake Christmas tree "leaves" (more like one inch static cling annoyances) all over the place. ON the carpet, my clothes, the wall, the dog....uuugh. I felt my bad mood building and decided I would just start doing Christmas decorations in the future with no tree. Bah, hum-bug, huh?

Well, now it's all put away and I'm sure that by next year, I'll have enough spirit to brave a tree with lights and the whole deal!

Normally, I put some sort of spiritual analogy into what I learned about this experience. Well, I'm blank. I just wanted everyone to get a picture of me and the tree.

Have a great day!