Tuesday, August 26, 2008


I think sometimes when we take a look at what others are going through, it gives us perspective.

There is a dangerous line in doing this because when we look around at others, we tend to compare and justify and do more damage than good. If we would just:
Turn our eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face.
And the things of earth
Will grow strangely dim
In the Light of His glory and grace.

My pain is pain no matter where I'm looking. I could compare it to someone having a splinter or to someone suffering with cancer. None of that changes the actual pain that I feel. It just changes my perspective on the pain. So, I choose to take pain, joy, suffering or anything (physical or emotional) to Christ.

Matthew 11:28-30
28 “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. 29 “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. 30 “For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Living Proof Live

God's timing is always perfect. I just returned from the Living Proof Live Conference in San Antonio today. I got to meet some precious women and for that I am grateful. I believe it gave me a teeny tiny taste of the reunion we will all have in heaven.
Beth Moore did a phenomenal job communicating the Word of God passionately and accurately.

When the event ended yesterday, we walked in the rain. We were drenched! As we walked in the rain, I wondered why the child-like desire to splash in puddles had to leave.
Well, I got a second chance at it. I was hungry to play with my children after being gone and I was jumping on the trampoline with them, when all of the sudden subtle sprinkles began in the midst of sunshine. It quickly turned into a down-pour and we played like children. I ran out front with them all looking for places to splash with my girls. We sat in them, we splashed and we laughed. When I saw neighbors I didn't feel stupid because my children were with me. I am trying to picture what it would have looked like if I was sitting in a puddle in San Antonio and splashing all those women with no children around. I am thrilled to have children by my side helping to play well. Thank you, Lord for that second chance of playing in the rain!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

9 Years ago today!!!!

Lord, I thank you for Nick. I praise you for the way that You have blessed and protected our marriage thus far. What a difficult year! I pray that we continue to rest in You in our marriage. You are the reason we know how to love each other. We can do Nothing in our marriage without You. You give us Peace. You teach us grace and forgiveness. It is because of You that we celebrate today!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


I am stuck in a pain that feels inescapable. God in His Sovereignty planned for me to go to San Antonio on Friday. I would have never booked this trip if it weren't for a dear friend, Emily, inviting me. Because of my desire to see her, I planned the trip.

After 33 days at camp feeling like a single parent, I so desired some time away. But instead, God had me here to be with my sister as we make decisions and pick up the pieces of their now broken family. Yet, the trip is still there around the corner. Feelings of guilt for leaving and feelings of desperation for needing to go collide within me. My children have absorbed my emotions and regurgitated the anger they've seen.

At camp, I had many times that I struggled through disciplining them alone and in a strange environment. And now, here at home, I struggle to rightly teach them. I don't get it. I am plugging in to the Word of God every morning. I am trying to fill myself with Him and His truths in order to sustain me through my day. But, I am sad to say that there is no evidence of Him or His Spirit in my actions. I have given in to the emotion that is so strong within me. The awful emotion of anger. My eyes are flooded and my heart feels a combination of numbness and pain. I don't want to be angry. I long to just smile at my girls. Why does that have to be so hard for me?

Father~ I need You! What I have learned from you in the Light is now carrying me through this darkness. I know you are faithful to your promises. I know that what I have learned about you is true. And because of that I have hope. I have hope that I will make it through such a difficult time as this. Give me what I need to build my house up rather than tear it down. God, why don't I turn to you first? Do I not believe that You can fix this? I know that you are all-powerful even by the way that I capitalize Your Name. I humbly confess that I can do NOTHING apart from you. Use me. Teach me. Change me. Help me. Save me from myself. <><

First Day of School

Whatever. It's over-rated. Especially when the first day of school is having two of your three children only in half day. Half day that doesn't even start until 12:30. Here I am stuck in that morning before where we have built up this day for so long and the lingering hours waiting have cause me to explode. All this anticipation... and for what? A 2 1/2 hour break in my day? I should have known not to be excited until Fall of 2010 when all three are in full day! That is when the first day of school will get me all excited.
Until then, I will cope and will apologize to my girls for exploding. I will find something else to do with my mornings instead of sitting around at home waiting for school to start.
Oh, and pictures? Can't post those.... because I haven't taken them yet..... still morning!!!!!

Monday, August 18, 2008

Real Reason for being "on Hold"

I didn't know what to write. I didn't want it "out there." But, two days before leaving our month-long stay at camp, I found out that my sister was flying home with her four children to flee from her lying husband. We were all shocked that he has been living a horrible double life for their entire marriage.
We began our 15 hour drive home. By the middle of it, I realized I was on one of the longest hardest roads I'd ever be on. I was driving away from a rich, exhausting time working at a camp. But, I was pointed in the direction of devastation. The closer I got to OK the more real the pain became.
I have been walking this road with my sister now for over a week. I'm answering questions to my children I never thought of. I now beg for prayer for healing for her and for this difficult transition for her four children.
I contemplate my own marriage and realize that we live in such a fallen, messed up world. I long for Heaven and am thrilled that I have the hope of Heaven.
God, I know that you don't change when our circumstances do. We need your help.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Friday, August 8, 2008

On Edge

There's no pill to swallow that can take away the stuff I'm feeling inside. I wish there was such a remedy. I know. I know..... God is my remedy. But still, I am about to burst. There is tension within me that I can't explain. We only have a day and a half left here. I feel like every corner I turn, there is trouble. This sounds so vague. But, I'm not going to mention other people's problems on here. It just then I am not hearing any good news right now. It's ALL bad and I'm feeling defeated by it. I've been begging for prayer all month and now there are so many people in need of it and my tank feels empty.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Good Days Gone Bad

I wanted to post about how much fun we had again today, but now that I'm here, I have a headache and I'm sad that it ended the way it did. I think it's just this room and being told what to do that allow the grumpy children to come out of the sweet dancing children that were just up at camp.
Our day began with the adventure of a bears being sited around camp. So, timidly we faced camp realizing that they've been there all along and we just didn't know about it so why worry now!
I got to do the mountain bike trail here with a group of campers! Shortly after that, we did the Giant Swing a few times. I'm so proud of Meg and Kenna for pulling the rope to release the swing all by themselves! Then we headed over to the Quantum Leap where you strap in and climb up a pole. I don't know exactly how high it is, but is high. Then you balance yourself on a small square and stand up. Then you jump out and ring a bell. I didn't have my camera down there for that one. Meg did it first. Then I did it. Then sweet little Kenna attempted it. Her little limbs just wouldn't stretch far enough. We told her maybe next year :)

Finally, YL Camp does this awesome thing called Tableau. Well, since this is week four, my girls finally felt like they could hold still long enough to perform. They did great. They held still and I do have pictures of that. They look so small in here, you probably can't see Nick and the girls, but you'll get an idea.
Now, I'm to bed for some much needed rest!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Fun-filled Day

It felt like the first week around here today! We hit the zip line (yes, Kenna finally did it all by herself!), the rock wall, the pool and the snack shop!!!!
The kids are plum-tuckered out! My spirits are high today :)
Thank you, Father for the way that you have answered my prayers. I asked for some of your fruits and you have been so gracious to give them to me today. It is because of You that I am able to have joy in the midst of this!

Other than the one picture of some campers helping Kenna and Meg off the zip line, the rest of these are all of the bracelet making factory. I had mentioned that this craft had united us. Now, I see that it has consumed us. It is a terrible thing to supervise when you have a bit of OCD.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Spirit Filled on my Fourth Day One

I so desire to have Spirit-filled children.
I pray that they learn now the difference between living by their sin nature and living by the Spirit that gives us the fruits we need to live by!
I have been asking God to help me develop an attitude of worship that is not dependent on circumstances, not distracted by other things that crowd into my life, but is focused on his greatness and goodness to me.
As I am doing this I'm realizing that at the root of my children's responses is a distraction. I need to redirect their focus. I get obedient and pleasant children only when they are getting what they want. Is it like that with me? Is my focus so on myself that God is using my children to teach me something?
Oh, how I yearn to only see Him and care about Him.
God remove me from myself. I don't want to get in the way of what you want to do in and through me.

In half an hour our fourth set of campers will begin arriving. May I go into this next week of camp with as much excitement that I had the first week. I am trying so hard to set the tone for the week today by addressing the problem within us (the girls and ME.)
Father, I canNOT do any of this without you. I choose to live in a worshipful, spirit-filled life!

Friday, August 1, 2008


Well, we have discovered a new craft for ALL of us to enjoy here at camp. It all began at the bead barn and seeing campers all around wearing cool bracelets, anklets and necklaces. So, we pick out our colors and safety pin it and stay on task as we make bracelets. That's what the last two days have been and it's been great to have something that we can ALL do. See, for awhile there either one was left out or one didn't like something so we could never really all participate in something together. So, this is a praise because it has united us!