So, I just did the software update on my old iPhone which put a new feature on it called, "Voice Memo." This has become a new game-like application for my youngest daughter. She will walk away alone with the phone in her hand and press record. She always starts with an introduction of herself and then her performance..... singing, pledge of allegiance, etc... They have been so fun to listen to! I should see if there is a way to upload one on here just so you can hear how precious she is.
Well, this morning, she had record on a bit longer than usual. Let's just say that she captured what life sounds like around here. I sat in my room alone listening to my recorded voice pouring out of this device and wanted to cry. It's not like I was yelling or angry or anything. It's that the teaching tone that I have with my children did not sound like one of adoration or patience or lovingkindness. The conviction engulfed me. I quickly hit delete and still sat and pondered this revelation that my voice is not a pleasing one when teaching my children. Because I know myself so well, I could hear the 8 years of bottled-up frustration, the tired of fighting the sin nature within them, the surviving as best as I can TONE! I so badly wanted to hear a tone of a mother in control and filled with the fruits of the Spirit.
I wonder, I just try to wonder, what God's voice sounds like??!! The way that I imagine it, is the way that I want mine to sound (female version) when speaking to my children. I can't even pretend to hear a tone from Him that is exhausted, frustrated, spent or even bothered. This is what I heard in my tone in dealing with the sibling rivalry here this morning.
God, you know how much I desire to teach my girls about You and Your Perfect Love. I not only want to do that in word, but also in action. In my leading them, I want them to know YOU! Give me the ability to speak to them the way I know you would sound if I audibly heard You! Thank you for revealing Yourself to me in a way that I can imagine Your calming voice that would welcome instruction! I love You and am thankful for the silly little updated application on my phone that You used to teach me something about myself today. Help me with this never-ending endeavor!