Friday, February 27, 2009


I quit updating my facebook status because I felt judged. Like it was some reflection of how I spend my time. Well, I guess others don't know that I have an iPhone and when I wait in line to pick up my kiddos from school, it is a fun thing for me to tool around on. I can't believe how defensive I feel on this topic!

With that said, I realize how easy it is to judge people. It is dangerous how easy it is. We don't have enough information to properly assess where others are in their life. Nor should we be doing such things. I am so thrilled at the idea that God knows me so well, there is no justifying anything. I don't need to defend myself. On the contrary, I need to humble myself before a God who has given me the power to be more than a conqueror. Ooooh, that could get me going on a whole new post.....

More than a conqueror!!! It is too easy to feel defeat because of the sin that is reigning in this world. We think that with our own flesh and what we see around us, that there is no hope. But, as stated in my last post... YET, I still dare to hope in the faithfulness of our God. Sure troubles come. In fact:
We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:8 & 9

We are not crushed, driven to despair, never abandoned and are not destroyed!!!! That is victory!!! So, while I continue to live not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, may I not be so concerned with how others may view the choices I make.

Have a wonderful weekend!!!!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Do you have a "Yet"

Like Jeremiah, I write what I feel. I use this blog to post my honest frustrations and feelings. I almost always end though with statements of truth about God to stand on. My negative is always accurately supported and sustained in His Promises. I was just reading Lamentations 3:16-24 and I want you to see all that he says before the "YET" and then all that he says after. It is so good and so rich and I don't know what I would do without this kind of a "YET" in my life.

16 He has made me chew on gravel.
He has rolled me in the dust.
17 Peace has been stripped away,
and I have forgotten what prosperity is.
18 I cry out, “My splendor is gone!
Everything I had hoped for from the Lord is lost!”
19 The thought of my suffering and homelessness
is bitter beyond words.
20 I will never forget this awful time,
as I grieve over my loss.

21YET I still dare to hope
when I remember this:

22 The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
His mercies never cease.
23 Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.
24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
therefore, I will hope in him!”

Do you see the richness we have in the hope that we have in HIM??? I'm on fire!!! God, Thank you for being our hope. Thank you for your word that is life to this parched soul!!!! <><

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Misunderstood Negativity

I realize that things I write about on my blog could inaccurately capture how I am REALLY doing. I just feel like doing a bit of clarifying.
As most of you know, I am AN OPEN BOOK. I don't ever want to hide anything. I welcome the next level faster than anyone because that's where real is to me. I especially enjoy movies that are REAL and not fictional hollywood box office hits! I have been as open as I can be for a blog, a place where any eyes can read at any given time. I have to protect the privacy of others.

It's a hard balance to talk about struggles without someone misinterpreting it and calling in reinforcements. I tend to only assess on here the difficult things that churn within my mind about my life. I don't typically write about the great cheery moments of my life for fear of people thinking that I have it all together. What if a struggling mom stumbles onto my blog and finds a post that captures only good stuff in my life? What if I'm writing about a recipe instead of the internal beating I may get from reading the Word of God? I am NOT saying that posting good things or sharing recipes is a bad thing to do on a blog. I am saying that I won't do that here because that is not what this if for- for me. I want for God to be glorified through this outlet. I desire this to be a place where people can share in an authentic relationship with a human being that strives in this Satan ruled world to live by the Spirit of God within.
As I do that, the tone that will generally be heard is one of depression, negativity, frustration and anguish. My life is not currently that. I have hardship. Who doesn't? I want to use my hardships to grow and this is a place that helps me to do just that.

Thanks for reading.... To God be the glory for the Great things he does!!!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


Our paster is doing a series on marriage called "The Vow." I sat with pen in hand listening to him. I usually don't take notes from his sermons, but this is a topic that I really want to start paying attention to. See here's the deal.

I LOVE my husband. I feel like God made him specifically for me and no one else. He does make me want to be a better person. We work well together, we communicate, we have fun... I could go on. I fear that we make people sick because we are still cheesy in love. Our first year wasn't hard... *gasp* I know, you probably think I"m lying to you.... but, really there are couples still out there like this. We are one of them and we are about to celebrate our 10 year anniversary!!!

So, with all of this said, why did I have my pen in hand eager to take notes on a subject that really doesn't seem like a weak area in my life? BECAUSE OF THE CARNAGE ALL AROUND!!! I look at the junk of other marriages and FEAR that ours will one day be just that. How many times could a quote someone saying, "I had no idea?" Well, I want to prepare myself, equip myself, fight, study, pray....all of it. I don't want to end up as one of the statistics that Craig shared about. He said this:

*70% of all men have an affair. 60% of all women have an affair.
*50% of marriages end in divorce before they see their 15th anniversary.

Scary. That's it. It is just plain scary to me. So, what I'm struggling with these days is the balance of truly enjoying this gift of a marriage and the fear that I have that reality and our messed up world say that it won't last.

LORD, God~ I know that you know these places in my heart. I want you to so invade all of it and give me your peace. I recognize that this marriage I'm in is ONLY Wonderful because of YOU! Neither of us are deserving or able to take credit. This is Your relationship that you have given. Help us to continue to hold the entire balance of us in Your hand in the center of Your perfect Will. Protect us from walking out of your will in any decision. Thank you for the gift You've given to me in Nick. As He is away and we are committed to praying, I beg of you to stay #1 in his heart, mind and soul. I ask that I do the same. I love YOU!!! <><

Friday, February 13, 2009

Photo Shoot

So, I LOVE my new camera. I thought I'd share the whole album that I posted on Facebook!
Click THIS!!!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

My Heart This Morning

I've had a lot of thoughts stirring within my head these past few days. Like multiple posts. Because of my OCD, I wanted each one to have the perfect title and the brilliance of an introduction line wrapped up beautifully with a closing sentence. My life has not allowed that luxury, so this morning, I'm stealing away time from the laundry, the taking orders of Captain Crunch, Lucky Charms, Vanilla yogurt and Oatmeal, the scrubbing the bath tub and the reading of Crazy Love (which is still kicking my tail, making me want to sell my house and give to the poor!) I'm walking away from ALL of it to sit down and dump my heart!

I have this thorn in my flesh that I used to beg to be taken away from me. If you knew what that thorn was, you'd realize how strong of a sentence that was. God has intellectually brought me to a place that recognized why I need that thorn. Ya know, the whole welcome the trial and consider it joy. The thing is: is that I get that in my head. When I'm living out the struggle, this shaking inner anger comes over me and I feel so defeated.

My sin nature. Lately, I've been picturing a new surgery. It's the removal of it. I mean, put me under (here I go welcoming drugs again...) and cut it out. I don't want it attached to me. I don't want to feel it. I'm tired of fighting it. I LOVE the SPIRIT and the LIFE that is IN the SPIRIT!!! I want only that. What I'm saying is I want eternity... heaven.... I'm not suicidal. I just think that this sanctification process is quite painful. I'm sick of SELF! This is a good transition to my next topic on my heart...

...the "25 things about me" on Facebook. I just posted an article that rips it to shreds. I like that this guy called it: "this recent bout of viral narcissism." I seriously had all this negativity associated with all these people tagging me for me to go read things about them that they essentially wasted time writing. Then, (here's the kicker) I read a dear friend's list and almost cried because of how beautiful her soul is. I wouldn't have seen those things about her with distance had I not read it. I was blessed by her list. How humbling. Also... what in the world is the difference between that and my ramblings and time spent on my blog??? Oh kicker... the hypocrisy that comes from this realization is disgusting to me. This transitions me to another thought... being Judgmental..

Who am I to judge anything about anyone when I myself am struggling so within myself. I'm not going to look at what others are doing so that I can't give that much more room for my sin nature and my flesh to grow like cancer within me. I'm so thankful that a friend just reminded me that we have HOPE. Hope in Christ and the grace he offers. His grace truly is sufficient for me! His Power is made perfect in all my weaknesses.

I'll close this vomit of my heart with something else a friend just shared with me. Facebook just seems to show only the good side of people. Their perfect little family pictures and their exhilarating status'. Rarely, if ever, do I see a status that says: so-and-so is: in the pit and tempted to take a pill. Or so-and-so is: feeling cynical and hating _____. I'm not saying or suggesting that Facebook needs to become a negative social utility, but I do wish it was more accurate in revealing to those "friends" where we really are in life. So, one note (or blog post) at a time, I'm going to say where I really am in life!

God, I am so thankful that our HOPE is in You. I see that if left to ourselves we are destructive and that we NEED You. Thank you. Thank you for teaching me!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Staff and Spouse Retreat

What a fantastic trip!!!! We got to spend two wonderful days with powder covering Monarch with a great team of people. I'm exhausted because I'm not so accustomed to doing 14 hours on a charter bus. But, the snowboarding was great and the time away from the norm was great. I'm home now and ready to catch up on some much needed sleep!!!