Running debrief...

On my run yesterday I actually retained enough that I simply have to regurgitate some of it here.

"We care more about our comfort than our character" - Francis Chan

When using the word steadfast or endure, the definition requires the weight to hold to be steadfast or to endure in the strength. You are not enduring when it is removed. So when building endurance, you have to have the thing there that you have to endure. The discomfort. So many people want a comfortable pain-free life. Character isn't developed without struggle. So, I would want to choose the uncomfortable, painful things that make me stronger and better FOR God's glory. Grow me. Change me. Don't take it away and make it all better, because then I'm deprived of the opportunity to become who God wants me to become.

I actually prayed the strongest prayer I think I've ever prayed when listening to Francis' sermon yesterday. I'm posting it here to chronicle it. I said, "Whatever it takes!" I don't even want to type out the things I offered to God, but they were about as open handed as one could get. Then this morning, I got a little scared. Is this the last time I'll see my daughter? Are things so amazing with my husband right now, because this is the end? Regardless, my hand has no grip on anything in my life and I freely offer it all to God. As I write this, I realize He has always had the power to take and I just handed an invisible baton of control.

"Things are caught, not taught" -familiar quote requoted by Francis Chan

The best parenting advice EVER: Work on yourself first. If you are self-controlled and equipped in God's armor and filled with the Spirit and so on and so forth, your children will see and learn so much more than when you are throwing commands while suffering in your own internal battle.

For me, personally this translated into getting up in the mornings before my children. Around my house, I am blessed to have a husband that delights in doing the morning routine. This allows me to just sleep right through it all!!!! I LOVE sleep!!! But, for me, I felt like I was actually sinning by sleeping in every single morning. I was flirting with the depression that I am tempted by each day. During those morning hours I struggle with facing what my role is. Well, starting this morning, I set the alarm and obediently got out of bed to work on myself first! So far so good! I'm excited and challenged!

Wrongly Delegated

I hear from my daughter's mouth, "I don't want to make you mad!" When did I give her the power of my moods? The power to hold a key to any of my emotions? She is too young. She shouldn't have to feel the weight of responsibility of my happiness. This is something that is difficult to undo.

Lord, give me wisdom in this endeavor!

Gift

As I have been pounding the pavement, I've had so many podcasts going in that I don't know where to begin in everything that is coming out of me. This is transformation. I have one to two sermons every day or every other day playing in my earbuds as I've been pacing myself through the sidewalks of Edmond this Fall. It has been an overwhelming thing to take so much in. I find myself talking out loud in agreement with the pastors that ask application questions. Sometimes it is in agreement that I am so there with them living a certain way and making certain choices or sacrifices. Other times, it is sadly a discouraging confession of where I am falling short of the calling.
There is one question that is standing out to me from the dozens I've been pondering.

Am I using the gifts that God gave me?
And am I using them for His glory?

I can tell you that today God showed me a way that I can use one of my talents for His glory. A few weeks ago, my friend's two year old son died from drowning in a swimming pool. I have been praying Romans 15:13 (NLT) for every member in her family every time I think of them. I know that praying is good. But at times like these, people always want to "do" something more. The Holy Spirit very clearly told me how I can minister to the entire family. I am to make a scrapbook of his life as a gift for them. So, over these next few days, the family will be getting pictures printed and stories written for me to put in a book. I feel so honored to get to do this for this family!

With the feeling of being used by God comes fulfillment. There truly is nothing as fulfilling as living in a God-honoring way. Oh, how this has sparked a desire to find this kind of fulfillment in everything I do.

God, may I do everything as unto YOU! Help use me as I create for this family. Continue to hold this family strongly in your grip and cradle them with the Hope that is in You Alone!

18 miles

When I read my "Runner's World" magazine or read a runner's blog I consider myself a beginner because I haven't run a marathon. Why is everything based on the scale of whether or not you have run a marathon? Maybe it's not. But, I perceive it that way. And because I perceive it that way, I'm shooting to run a marathon. I just read a friend's post on why she ran a marathon. Her intentions where so good. You can read about it here. It's rather inspiring. I can only wish that my reasons for training and running a marathon were in line with hers, but I'm still trying to figure out why I'm aiming thataway!!!
When I began my running journey in May of this year I didn't have any goals. I just wanted to run. Quickly, I realized I needed to see how far I could push myself. I still am trying to figure out what it is exactly that is driving me. I can tell you that each milestone brings such joy to me that maybe I'm just running for joy.
Well, to the title of this post...
My inspirational running buddy told me that before I even register for a full marathon, I needed to just run 18 miles to see if I felt okay. Well, I did that yesterday!!!! It's official that I can NOW register for the one I want to do. I watched her cross the finish line and only hoped that I could do it next year. Now, I'm shooting for that goal. So, I am going to register for the OKC Memorial Marathon for April 2010!!!!



On my 18 miler yesterday, I thoroughly enjoyed that for right under 3 hours, my body could maintain such a rhythm. I listened to two podcasts and a new playlist. The Fall weather was perfect! I am excited about this running, joyous journey!!!!
I still think someone should pay me for running a marathon instead of me paying $90.00 to run 26.2 miles. What's up with that? Maybe I could take up a collection ;)

Red Letter Reading

So, this morning, I picked up my husbands bible to read. (It was right by me where I landed with my coffee.) When I opened it to John I saw the beautiful red letters of Jesus' words. My Bible doesn't have His words set apart in their own color. I had this "Just give me Jesus" mentality. So, I read as much time allowed just the words of Jesus. I LOVE this and will continue to do this for some time.
But, in Bible Study today, I kept hearing Kay Arthur say these two words: Truth and Deceit. It is so important to know truth. I remembered that just this morning in reading Jesus words, numerous times He started His sentences with, "I tell you the truth!" Beautiful words to those that seek to know truth!
I'm so excited about Jesus!!!!

Fall Pictures

If I kept a camera in my car during all of Fall's beauty, I would be in trouble!!! Here are three I particularly like :)

My Fall

I've heard it once asked, "Which kind of pain is harder? Physical or Emotional?" Thinking about this, I am inclined to say that the pain you are IN is the hardest. I've also had discussions with many mothers. Mothers in many different stages.
Mothers of:
Infants
Toddlers
Elementary Age
Pre-teens
Teens
College Age
and finally, Grown adults.

Many of those same mothers say that the season you are in is the hardest. Do you ever find yourself literally in a season of the year and just longing to be in a different season? Like it's 100 degrees outside and you long for a blizzard that demands for you to seek comfort by a fire curled up in a blanket with hot cocoa? Or your in Spring suffering with allergies and you simply want out? Anything, but that pollen... or whatever?

Well, I was mountain biking with Nick today and I can't even begin to describe the contentment of this season I'm in. Not only Fall. But, this season of parenting. My girls still want me to sit by them when they watch a movie. But, they don't need me to bathe and dress them. They color imaginative pictures and hold them up to my eyes with pride and they don't need me to teach them how to even hold a crayon or draw a circle anymore. I had paused when I was typing the different stages of motherhood when I got to "Elementary Age." I simply wanted to say the "honeymoon" stage. I love where I am with my girls right now. I love the Fall and how it beckons me to drive slowly to admire what God miraculously does with the trees that I've been surrounded by for months. I passed three trees in a row... Yellow, DARK green, and RED. Just weeks ago, I ran past those very trees not knowing the surprise they had for me bursting with contrast to one another.




My life is in no way perfect. But, honeymoons really aren't perfect either. I struggle watching them wrestle with their own sin natures. I'm too quick to react to them some days. My fuse still runs too short. But, this season is a season I am content in.

God, I know this is because of where you have me in my walk with you. You are filling me so much with Yourself that I am able to appreciate what is around me. Walking with you is what makes me excited about the next season. For now, I'll rest in today's beauty! Thank you!!!!