Thursday, September 12, 2013

Do love.

What love actually does looks different in the many lives with our many make ups.  Love is seen in action.  I know this much is true.

Do you think that friendships are becoming more obsolete due to social media?  I think it's becoming harder for our love to do when we are forming habits of clicking a button with a thumb sticking up.

"Liking" a friends status masquerades what love can do when you look into the eyes of a friend and listen to what is going on in their lives.  I think what is actually happening when we scroll through our news feed is choosing what our preferred content is to digest.  In friendship, the listener isn't in control. They are residing in a sacrificial, loving posture of listening. Listeners are passengers.  By contrast, scrolling makes us the driver.

Conversations need to be taking place between friends.  Unscreened by caller i.d., unannounced at my house and not in a position of control or power via text.

My love is going to do friendship.  If you get a call from me or I show up, let's hang out and try it the old-fashioned way!

Monday, July 8, 2013

An impossible wish

All the fairy tales have this one restriction.  All stories tell it.  I can't make someone love you.

With this in mind, I feel deflated as a parent. I have two daughters where I would honestly use a potion if I could get my hands on some that would make them love each other.

It seems that no amount of discipline or training can teach it.  So, I want to quit.  It's just not in them.  I know, I know.... I should pray about it and for them.  So, I did.  And I did.  I got to lead the Mom's In Prayer group at my house last year for our elementary.  At the end of every school year, we use our last time of meeting together to Praise God for answered prayer.  I did see many answers to our prayers, but the one where my heart sank was the lack of love between these two.  Once again, deflated.

Our annual family camping trip is coming up and I simply don't want to be around those two.  What do you do with that?

I know.  I know.  Pray.

Lord, You know my heart and these deep crevices of pain and struggle watching the potential of a relationship that just won't form.  Would you come into their little hearts and do something BIG and special that would give them a bond that can only point to you?  I'm begging you to move.
I trust you with this endeavor! 

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

I'm OLD.

The fact that I am "old" doesn't really bother me at all.  I'm not saying it in a "Oh, no you're not!" kind of way.  I actually hate that response.  People think the mention of age or the mention of the arrival of the crinkles and wrinkles mean that I need an opposing comment to balance it out.

Why is that?

Why can't someone just agree with me?

Old is also relative, I know.  But to me....I am old.

I will look at my hands in certain light and see the sagginess.  There you go.  That's a comment I can make about my age without it screaming that I need a rebuttal.  I'm sure there are creams for "younger looking hands" on the market and some people may be insecure about aging hands, but again.....not bothered.

It's strange though, that's all.  I think it just happened sooner than I thought.

Monday, March 4, 2013


I just finished studying the part in the book of Romans that says that there is NO ONE Righteous.  NO, NOT ONE.

Keep this in mind when I mention these two question that have come up the past few weeks.....

My neighbor's house has been vacant since August.  I'm so.very.ready. for a new neighbor.  I've been so blessed with this little triangle around me and I see how God has richly blessed me with amazing friendships that are on such a deep level that I almost feel a void knowing there is a vacancy, which feels like a friendship not happening.

So, when I see people checking out the house, IF it's convenient... I make my way over for conversation (maybe I see now why it hasn't sold....chuckle!)  No, really, I've only had two conversations with people.

But, in one of those conversations the question was asked if the elementary school that we are zoned in is "good."  I quickly light up and say yes!  I let them know that I lead the prayer group for that school.  When immediately in my heart, I think of Sandy Hook Elementary.  Hmmmm.  Is any elementary school "good"?  Oooh, this got me thinking and a little sad.

The next instance was simply when I thought about an upcoming meeting with a mom whose baby I am about to become a nanny to.  When thinking about meeting with her, I actually had the thought, as fleeting as it was; "Is your baby a "good" baby?"  Yikes.

Who would ask such things?

Someone who wants a life of ease?  Someone afraid?  I'm not judging here as I was one of the ones who thought up such a question.

Don't get me wrong.  I know there are infants that cry a LOT and infants that are pretty laid back and not quite as needy and that is ultimately where the question derives from.  And I know that some elementary schools have better ratings than others.  But when I got to thinking about how all of us are born with a sinful nature and many in the world do not live lives that are controlled by the Spirit, then there are none good....that is apart from Christ!!!

How cool that we are cloaked in HIS righteousness!  The starting verse that I began this post with can make one feel depressed about the world....there is no ONE person that is RIGHTEOUS.  But, I leave you with this:
"You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them (the spirits that are not of God), because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world."  1 John 4:4 (NLT)

Wow, I'm pumped!  Whether evil will happen at my kid's school, or whether the baby I take care of cries the entire time, I'm equipped.  He is greater and He lives in me!!!!  How thankful I am for Jesus and the perfect sacrifice He was for us ALL!

Thursday, February 7, 2013

I am HEALED! It's a MIRACLE!!!

THREE weeks ago, I went to an appointment with my doctor to discuss possibly taking my other ovary as the EXACT same pain that I have had this entire past year was still plaguing me.  As I drove to the appointment I prayed that God would remind me of everything I wanted to talk to her about.  That I wouldn't get flustered like I normally do when she walks in.  As I was being led back to the room, the nurse told me I would be examined today and would need to undress waste down.  I really don't know why this caught me so off guard, but it did.

So, there I sat about as vulnerable as you can as I waited.  That's when the tears came.  I was sobbing as I started to put words with my feelings in my head.  I knew I wanted to say that I was angry that the pain was back, frustrated by the pain, scared that I would be judged as someone "claiming" to have "back pain" for pain meds, and in dire need of answers.  So, with a face that has been sobbing and wrinkled kleenex in hand, she finally came into the room.  {Oh, and I had prayed between sobs that God would be in that room and would bring to mind all that I wanted to share and that God would give her wisdom.}

One thing I did not ask God for that HE knew I needed was HIS PEACE.  She pulled up a chair and listened and asked questions and talked options and the more and more we talked about the specifics of it all, the more and more we had peace that this described pain wasn't in fact from the endometriosis.  She has even struggled with lower back pain in her personal life for years. Suddenly when we shifted to that, it was like a heavy load was lifted and I felt that we were finally on the right track as we talked about remedies of working out, stretching, taking anti-inflammatories and alternating with ice and heat.  That was one of the main things that clued us in.  Ice and Heat do not alleviate pain from endometriosis and it alleviated the pain that I had.

At this point, I feel HIS PEACE just fall on me.  I'm suddenly "all good" with it and ready to tackle it from a different angle.  No longer thinking about surgery or pain meds.  That's when she says she'd like to pray with me.  

Even now, the tears are triggered as I recall her complete submission to the Lord.  She asked for His Spirit to let her know if there is anything else she can or should do.  She prayed for healing.  That all the endometriosis she knows is there would be healed and gone.  That my one ovary would not cause any problems.  That I would have wisdom as I pay attention to triggers and so much more.  On and on she went as she held me, lifting me up before Our Father.  I am blessed!

I have Peace!

I have answers!

I am loved!

Since that day, the one particular spot in my back that was my problem has not hurt ONE time.  I believe that I have been HEALED.  God completely surprised me with this!  I was hesitant to say anything to anyone just in case the pain came back.  It hasn't and it is time for God to receive the deserved glory for healing me!!!!  I feel so personally and intimately loved by Him that how can I stay quiet about this?

For those of you that do know me and my back pain history, I just want to clarify...I still have a "bad back" :(  It's just in my genes, but the specific pain that I had for over a year that brought me to the two surgeries I had last year, is GONE.  To GOD be the GLORY!  Great and miraculous things He has done!

Tuesday, January 29, 2013


Between this last episode of Downton Abbey, reading through the book of Job and this dreary day where I'm required to stay and wait for a package to be delivered....I'm going to diagnose myself with a serious case of the blah's!

Although I wouldn't be totally truthful if I said it was JUST today and JUST because of those things.

It allowed for a great intro though.  At least, I think it did.  Sometimes these blah's that I get can simply come from the humdrum of life.  I don't like it one bit, but it's there.  

I get a numbness to the uncomfortable parts of life.  Actually it's a bit more like robotic than numbness.  I feel, therefore, I'm not numb.  But I go through the motions without an expression.

I have learned that reacting is just so darn tiring.  I'm tired of reacting.  In an effort to be more self-controlled, I just do whatever action is at hand without expression or feeling.  I stare off in to a distant place and just do the work.  It's like I'm just passing the time.

This is terrible stuff to confess, but it's really where I am.  The thing I fear most about being in this place is that the light at the end of the tunnel can't be seen.  

Thursday, January 3, 2013

I agree

Click here if you accept the terms and conditions.  Yikes!  How many times have I clicked it and NEVER even opened the link to at least scan the terms and conditions.

I wonder how many things in our life we say that we agree to so we can really get what we want without ever reading the fine print to know the heart of the cause, to understand the legality of the issue or heeding the cautions that are given.

This takes my mind to the Word of God.  Too often, we call ourselves "Christians" but don't ever read the Bible.  How can we be a follower of Jesus if we don't listen to His words.  The Bible is God-breathed words to us.  I'm loving a new feature to the You Version Bible App that I just discovered.  It's the "Community" notes.  Some of them are just way "out there," but!  What a blessing to hear what God reveals to others in the same reading that I have just read.  This feature is allowing me to spend more time in His word, digging deeper into meaning and understanding.

I probably will still quickly click the "I agree to the terms and conditions" box when it pops up in the future, but I do love where it got my mind going today.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

HaPpY NeW YeAr!!

For one brief moment, I bought into the New Year hype.  I actually thought, "Maybe tomorrow will be different."  Here I am, tomorrow.  It's the same.  The same arguments are argued.  My mind is filled with the same thoughts from yesterday.  It is just another day.

However, God always meets me in my tomorrow and is always there in my today.  So, why would I want something different?  Why would I want a clean slate? A fresh start?  When everything continually builds to make me who I am today.  Yesterday's struggles and pains and joys make me the Me that I am.

Thank you, God for who You are.  That in the midst of discontentment, You reveal ways for me to have a contented spirit.  Thank you for the memories of 2012 that were both good and hard.  I am so blessed to have Your Spirit within me.