I should have known. The re-start that I attempted this afternoon didn't work. We went back up to camp and I broke in front of people. So, with humility I post begging for more prayer.
The reason my tears flowed and I had a mini melt down is because I can no longer handle how my children are responding to me. Here's how it went:
Me: why are you crying?
Kenna: because I didn't get a lot of dessert.
Me: you didn't deserve any and should be grateful that you got a small amount when you weren't even supposed to get any tonight.
Kenna: but I want a LOT (still crying)
Me: Ok. Now you don't get any.
Kenna: (full on tantrum)
I then, walk her out of the building to explain what she did wrong and why she doesn't get any and why she has to sit in a "time out."
I walk back in to start getting the girls together to leave the dining hall. When this happens next:
Megan: Can I (the two words I have a deep dislike for now) have a lick? (pointing at the left over dessert)
Megan: But, can I just have a LICK?
Megan: Can I have a lick, only a lick?
Me: (i actually can't remember what happened here, but I know that it when I started crying.... I somehow dealt with her)
After crying and talking with a Mom, and having all the other mom's staring at me asking if I'm okay (where I'm clearly not okay) I regain composure and go to get Kenna out of "time out."
It's time to leave and Megan is being carried to me by someone who says that she was in the back (where she's not supposed to go unless Mom or Dad is with her.) The final disobedience.
I send her for a LONG walk by herself back to the room where I will "deal with her."
This is where I'm stuck. I can't stop crying and my eyes are swollen. I have had the good discipline and hugs and forgiveness and all that with them, but I feel too unstable to go back into camp. This is where I beg for prayer. Please pray that my emotions can be pulled together and that my children will finally start saying "Yes ma'am" every time the first time. I know this is a hard setting to train well. But, this is what I need from them to make it another three weeks. (where dessert is served two out of everything three meals.)
Thanks for reading this far and thanks even more if you are praying!
(this picture was taken yesterday, but it still had the dessert in the face, so I thought it to be appropriate :)