Sunday, July 20, 2008

Breaking Point

I should have known. The re-start that I attempted this afternoon didn't work. We went back up to camp and I broke in front of people. So, with humility I post begging for more prayer.
The reason my tears flowed and I had a mini melt down is because I can no longer handle how my children are responding to me. Here's how it went:
Kenna: crying
Me: why are you crying?
Kenna: because I didn't get a lot of dessert.
Me: you didn't deserve any and should be grateful that you got a small amount when you weren't even supposed to get any tonight.
Kenna: but I want a LOT (still crying)
Me: Ok. Now you don't get any.
Kenna: (full on tantrum)

I then, walk her out of the building to explain what she did wrong and why she doesn't get any and why she has to sit in a "time out."

I walk back in to start getting the girls together to leave the dining hall. When this happens next:
Megan: Can I (the two words I have a deep dislike for now) have a lick? (pointing at the left over dessert)
Me: No
Megan: But, can I just have a LICK?
Me: No
Megan: Can I have a lick, only a lick?
Me: (i actually can't remember what happened here, but I know that it when I started crying.... I somehow dealt with her)

After crying and talking with a Mom, and having all the other mom's staring at me asking if I'm okay (where I'm clearly not okay) I regain composure and go to get Kenna out of "time out."
It's time to leave and Megan is being carried to me by someone who says that she was in the back (where she's not supposed to go unless Mom or Dad is with her.) The final disobedience.
I send her for a LONG walk by herself back to the room where I will "deal with her."

This is where I'm stuck. I can't stop crying and my eyes are swollen. I have had the good discipline and hugs and forgiveness and all that with them, but I feel too unstable to go back into camp. This is where I beg for prayer. Please pray that my emotions can be pulled together and that my children will finally start saying "Yes ma'am" every time the first time. I know this is a hard setting to train well. But, this is what I need from them to make it another three weeks. (where dessert is served two out of everything three meals.)

Thanks for reading this far and thanks even more if you are praying!
(this picture was taken yesterday, but it still had the dessert in the face, so I thought it to be appropriate :)


Chelle said...

The joys of learning and teaching. I wonder how God feels about having to discipline us...over, and over, and over.

So what that you broke in front of others? If you can't be real there, that camp is in a world of trouble. Your transparency, and willingness to allow others walk beside you will bless them.

Hope tomorrow is better. And remember, every moment of discipline is one that your girls will grow and thrive under, especially as they get older. Stay on it, you are doing great! And yes, feel free to remind me of this as Zoe gets older.

Press on sister!!!!

Kimberly said...

I have written and re-written this comment, trying to say the "right thing". I've decided not to. All I'm going to say is that I'm praying, and you're doing great!!

StaceyStace said...

Praying for you...I'm sorry you are having a tough time.

Mimi said...

I am praying. Thanks for sharing your struggles so openly with us. Your strength does come from being in the Word, so I am thankful you are able to do that. His joy is your strength. What you are doing will invest in their lives for eternity. He is all about eternity. So, do not lose heart.

MaryLou Hoffman said...

Rachel...I'm praying for you too! As our heavenly father is consistent with us - His "no" means no and his 'yes' means yes...not maybe or our way after the 5th time we we as earthly parents are to follow His example in training our children. You WILL reap the rewards sooner then you think!Trust this will be a happier week for you and the girls.

The Ballinger's said...

Prayers coming your way. (( hugs too )) I ran across your blog from somewhere, I have clicked and clicked on different links, but I think it started on the sellers blog. Anyway, will be prating for you & the kiddos.

paula said...

getting ready for YaYa ... will miss you tonight, but KNOW that we will be praying for you and love you and BELIEVE in you!!!

You consistency with the kids is so right ... even though it is sooo incredibly hard and bring you to your breaking point and to your knees.

Weeping will endure for a time, but joy will come ...

Erica Lynn said...

Please know that I'm praying for you and your girls.

Mari Fontana said...

Please know that your are most definitely not the only momma to melt down. If only more of us could be more transparent then I have a feeling we'd be able to better minister to eachother. Hang in there. I will be praying for you.

Emily said...

hey Rachel:) I am so happy to have read the posts since this day and to see how God is meeting your needs. I am still praying for you. I know the feeling well and I know how hard that must have been to have a mini meltdown in a place where their are other people around too. I am so proud of you though! You did a great job in a tough situation. I love you girl and will pray for you!

shari99 said...

Well now I am reading your blog and I am praying for you. I am having major issues with Rhett and disobedience right now too. The rod is not even seeming to help. I wonder if he can smell fear?

Anyway, lovely lady. You're love for Jesus and his Word and your sweet spirit, and your transparentness all inspire me. I think about you a lot...and I wish we were close freinds. From now on I promise that when I think of you I am going to shift gears and pray for you too. I love you!

Aron & Suz said...

i always love your honesty. you are doing such a good job with your girls! hang in there and know you are being covered in prayers. xoxo