Book Titles

Sometimes all I REALLY need is a great title of a book. One that tells me what to do so that I don't have to read the whole book. This is the book that caught my eye:

The title is: "Loving Our Kids On Purpose"

For those three of you that have read my blog, you know that I've written about a recent experience I had with an Extreme Heart Makeover. One where I knew that God was calling me to be intentional with my kids and a relationship with them. Well, let's just say some time has past and I know once again in my heart of hearts that it's time to put my intentional hat on again and (to use the books' catchy title..,) Love my girls on purpose. I picked up a copy that my friend had and held it in my hands thinking to myself that this very book had all the answers to my problems at home. As I stood in front of the "parenting" section at my local Christian bookstore to buy a copy, I realized that I can walk away already charged and encouraged to do a great job just from the many titles I had just taken in. If I were to read a title that said: "Become a Diligent Mother," I personally wouldn't buy the copy and take the time to read it. I simply walk away and pray that God teaches me how to become a more diligent mother. Keep in mind that laziness is my weakness.

This is all to say that I walked away from that entire section of help on parenting knowing what it was specifically that God wanted me to do in this current stage as a mother. Love them on purpose. Four days later an opportunity for me to intentionally or purposefully be with them came up. I had joy in my heart and knew that growth in relationships with them was taking place. I'm so thankful that the Holy Spirit can exponentially teach more than books can. [For those of you that learn much from books and their application, I applaud you. For me, reading needs to be fun and an escape! Thanks for understanding our differences! Oh, and I'm sure the book that I mentioned is wonderful and I would hope that I haven't caused anyone to NOT read it by what I have said. I'm just just a cliff-notes kind of a girl!]

Change

When I was a little girl, I re-arranged furniture like crazy. I am the baby of four kiddos. I grew up where we rotated bedrooms every year. That change was so good for me. For some reason, I need and desire change. One year I would have a room to myself and another year I would share with one sister. The next year, it would be the other sister. I LOVED that change. When I was in high school, I remember re-arranging my parents furniture for them. I would mix up the living room like it was nobody's business. I loved it.... for a time. Then, it needed it again.

I will tell you that having three babies in three and a half years in three different states was a LOT of change. I really think that's why I was able to do it. When my youngest turned one and I had been in the same place for over a year, I didn't know what to do with myself. So, I re-arranged every room that I could.

Secretly, I loved that my husband wanted to "go into ministry" and we had to down-size because it gave us a "noble" reason to move and have more "change."

We had lived in that home for three years before moving...... the longest we had lived anywhere since we had been married. Now, we've lived in this smaller house for three years (in a couple of months.) I've been blogging since 2007 and I can't count how many times I've changed the "look" of my blog. Heck, I've even wanted to change my gmail address just because I run now and how does ridermeyergirl fit into that category?

This brings me to my current desire for change. I'm house hunting. Nick took a new job and I also believe our season has ended at the current school my kiddos have been attending. I don't take buying and selling a home lightly, but I would like you to join with me in the praying stages of this transition for my family. I know that God loves it when I seek Him on such things. I would love to have all the discernment I need to move forward here. So, today, I changed the look of my blog and I seek the Lord's heart on where He wants us to go next. I know from His amazing Spirit that it is time once again to move my family. I only ever want to be right where He wants me!!!!

Sometimes I Lay on my Foundation

I don't know where to begin? As always, I have wonderful things to say about our God. He is so good. He is so faithful. AND, I don't know where I would be without Him and without the foundation that sometimes I fall on rather than stand on.

I just noticed that it's been a week since I posted. We returned from my half and two days later, got blasted by a storm that has kept me in very close proximity with my girls. I have noticed over the last few months that their bickering has gotten worse. I know there is sibling rivalry. And I know that the fighting that occurs daily can be normal. But, to get a report that their fighting was bad and noticeable did two things for me:
1. Validated my feelings of being so annoyed by the sounds of their constant fights.
2. Made me sad that to hear that it just might be worse than other families. (I know comparing is bad, but in this case it was good for me and here's why!)

It has opened my eyes to what my girls are picking up from their different surrounding. I am in the praying stages of what to do about this.

I desire to share about what happened a couple of nights ago. I fell over weeping and in a fetal position at the realization that as a mother, I basically wear a mask. For those of you that REALLY know me, know that I am so against ANY masks. I believe that we should keep all masks away and be who we are. I'm in a Catch 22 with my girls because I don't want them to know my struggle in order to protect them because it is not their fault that I struggle. But, I want to be real so they really know me and can feel safe with me. Thus the reason for my "mothering" mask that I wear daily. I felt so defeated that night and curled up and cried it off. In that moment of emotion, it felt so defeating. There really was nothing left to do about it, so I went to bed. When I awoke and read my Bible, I "happened" to read Psalm 30. Really? How perfect and beautiful were these verses for me?

5b " Weeping may last through the night,
but joy comes with the morning.
9 What will you gain if I die,
if I sink into the grave?
Can my dust praise you?
Can it tell of your faithfulness?
10 Hear me, Lord, and have mercy on me.
Help me, O Lord.”

11 You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.
You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy,
12 that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!

He did not leave me in that fetal position! He gave me joy in the morning! And it is so that here, (on my blog anyway), I can say praises to Him and not be SILENT!!!! He was there with me in the fetal position with all my emotion and He was there with me when I woke up and needed to obediently place the motherhood mask back on my face!

Sledding pictures to come!!!!

Half Marathon!!!!

Here's how it played out:
I got sick over Christmas in Colorado, so really, training in particular for this half didn't happen. I got even sicker the week leading up to today. I think it's strep throat. Since we are between jobs/insurance, a trip to a doctor wasn't an option.
We arrive at the start line with 15 minutes to spare. Then, the winds that were blowing through Austin were blowing all the barricades down causing the Austin police department to delay the start by an HOUR. So, we stand and wait for an hour. Hunger sets it. Core gets nice and cold. Not an ideal start, but at least we finally started after they went through and re-marked all the hazardous holes in other ways. I can't really see that starting after standing for an hour is the best, but it's how we did it. Now, this particular run is just FAST. We were at the front. Big mistake when you're not a FAST runner. This means you get passed the ENTIRE time. (kind of defeating feeling)
So, I ran a nice 9 minute mile for the first 5 miles. After that I settled into a slower rhythm. At around mile 10 I had a coughing spell that I thought would worry everyone around me. But, I didn't have to stop :) The last mile was so hard and so slow for me that I wondered how in the world I could possibly do twice this distance in just 3 months! I did actually sprint across the finish line and set my PR!!! I did it in 2:06 :)
My throat started hurting shortly after and I'm just thrilled that I wasn't sick with a fever in a hotel bed in Austin, but that I got to go out and start and finish my first Half Marathon! Fun Times....
Here are some pics :)

Training

I don't feel like I've ever really "trained" for anything. Sure, I've had goals or events to make it to with deadlines. But, I never recall "training." So, here I am three weeks into training for this marathon and I can't get over how many spiritual parallels can be drawn from this process.

2 Timothy 4:7 comes to mind.

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."

I could possibly quote that at the end of my race in April, but will I be able to quote it at the end of my life?


With a 16 week beginner's training program, I can see what I've done, what I need to do and most importantly, I can see the end!!! I've heard it said that the training is harder than the actual marathon. But, as I plug that verse into the concept of training in my life, I quickly realize why I haven't trained for anything. I'm not good at it. I can look at where I am in my life as a training schedule with motherhood. Currently I've got 9 years down and 12 1/2 to go. We all know that Motherhood doesn't "end" when the last one is out of the house, but that is the end date I'm using for my story to work here ;)

Seriously, can I just vent about how long I have to go? I thought the pre-school years were the hardest and physically they WERE. But, the constant bickering and sibling rivalry and snotty attitudes is making me wonder if I could say such things... I've fought the good fight, I've finished the race, I've kept the faith. Right now, all I see myself saying is: "I have questioned IF I can do this anymore. I have thought about walking out. I have exploded and been a bad example. And all this is taken from 2nd Opinion 2:17

Staying focused on the prize is what will get me there. I know that we are to fix our eyes on Jesus. Sometimes the look I have fixed on him is as bad as the look on my children's faces. Of course, now that I think about it, training for a marathon is NOTHING like the training I'm in as a mother. I have realized as a Mom that there is NOTHING I can do apart from Christ. I will fail every single time in every single instance with my girls if it weren't for the Spirit that lives and dwells within me. A marathon.... now that can be done physically apart from Christ's help. Oh, I've just messed up my whole spiritual analogy.

I think what's really happening here is that I had two topics to write about. The fact that I'm in a training program for a marathon and the fact that I'm in a really difficult place as a mother. Rather than deleting, I'm leaving my story out there because I feel like it accurately depicts where I am today!

GRIN

I'm much better and God is good. more later

The Ugly Side

We all have them. Today my ugly side is all I see. It almost feels as if my internal hard-drive within my body has wires crossed. Things aren't connecting or making much sense. Emotions. are. out. of. control.
So, it's what to do when I feel like this?

Throw the towel in? Sleep? Take a pill? Get drunk? Read a book? Cry? Those are just a few options that cross my mind! So, this time, instead of doing any of those options, I thought I'd try writing. Vulnerably. I'm really always vulnerable on here, but I also use getting control of my emotions as about my only filter. I simply haven't been able to today, so I'm here.

I don't understand why little things are the big things to me during such times. I thought I'd have more time to write about this, but really, what more is there to say? Plus, it's time for me to attend our Saturday night church service. I don't "want" to go. I know I "should/need" to go, so therefore, I'm going.

Sorry such a strange post, but there ya have it!!!!