I have been in need of an Extreme Heart Makeover. Much like the seeds of God's word being consumed rather than sown in my life, I have been stuck in a rut of survival. I have mentioned this word a LOT in the last five years. I have been struggling to merely survive each day and each set of struggles that I am in. I actually feel rather proud of myself for surviving some of what I've survived.
But, I'm ready for my heart to be blown to smithereens so that I can re-build with a new strategy. With prayer, I'm tackling this mental picture. So far two words are going up as new rooms in my heart. They are:
I have not been intentional with my girls.....using every day life experience to teach and grow in a relationship with them. I have found that I have still been operating as a Mother of Pre-schoolers. Ya know, wipe the bottom, change the diaper, put the bib on, shake the bottle, pack the diaper bag, bring a snack, buckle the seat belt mode! While I'm no longer doing those things, I haven't switched gears and grown with them. They are getting so much more independent but instead of staying involved with intention of building a wonderful Mother-Daughter relationship, I've pulled away and become the lifeguard or referee. Like a monitor, I am in the same home as them but doing my own thing and only jumping in to explosively break up a fight and pull tight on the reigns. Operating like this has driven me to the unfulfillment that I have sensed as a Mother. Renovations are beginning today! You can prayerfully invest on this one with me :)
Speaking of INVESTing. This word feels like a synonym to the idea of being intentional. They are NOT in fact synonyms but I just want to invest in the relationships with my daughters by being intentional. So, there is the plan on the makeover on my heart. The tricky thing: Nick left town today for 8 DAYS!!!! Uuugh, am I really going to tackle such a project at a time like this? Scary. I want to just jump into survival mode and then do it. But, I believe that God has put these things in my heart and therefore, I will obey!!!
Thanks for reading!