Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Extreme Heart Makeover

I have been in need of an Extreme Heart Makeover. Much like the seeds of God's word being consumed rather than sown in my life, I have been stuck in a rut of survival. I have mentioned this word a LOT in the last five years. I have been struggling to merely survive each day and each set of struggles that I am in. I actually feel rather proud of myself for surviving some of what I've survived.
But, I'm ready for my heart to be blown to smithereens so that I can re-build with a new strategy. With prayer, I'm tackling this mental picture. So far two words are going up as new rooms in my heart. They are:

I have not been intentional with my girls.....using every day life experience to teach and grow in a relationship with them. I have found that I have still been operating as a Mother of Pre-schoolers. Ya know, wipe the bottom, change the diaper, put the bib on, shake the bottle, pack the diaper bag, bring a snack, buckle the seat belt mode! While I'm no longer doing those things, I haven't switched gears and grown with them. They are getting so much more independent but instead of staying involved with intention of building a wonderful Mother-Daughter relationship, I've pulled away and become the lifeguard or referee. Like a monitor, I am in the same home as them but doing my own thing and only jumping in to explosively break up a fight and pull tight on the reigns. Operating like this has driven me to the unfulfillment that I have sensed as a Mother. Renovations are beginning today! You can prayerfully invest on this one with me :)

Speaking of INVESTing. This word feels like a synonym to the idea of being intentional. They are NOT in fact synonyms but I just want to invest in the relationships with my daughters by being intentional. So, there is the plan on the makeover on my heart. The tricky thing: Nick left town today for 8 DAYS!!!! Uuugh, am I really going to tackle such a project at a time like this? Scary. I want to just jump into survival mode and then do it. But, I believe that God has put these things in my heart and therefore, I will obey!!!

Thanks for reading!


km said...

I am so there with you on most days. Even when I am intentional...it may only be for a day. My best times with the kids are when we're all doing a craft. That's why we all '___fill-in-the-blank___'. I know some would think, "why dye yarn with the kids?" that's just extra work. But seriously...when I do something I enjoy that I can share with them...that's when we have the best times...and usually the best behavior on all parts. I did a watercolor with my 7 yesterday and he so enjoyed it. Now, I'm going to have to come up with something to do today.

Chelle said...

Sounds like great timing to me, being alone with them and all :) Love the honesty in your posts...thank you!!! Remind me of these things as my girl gets older, ok?

Mari Fontana said...

I will pray that this week is everything you need.

kaylyn said...

I got up on the trampoline with all my kids today and just played for a while - all because of this post :-) I had just finished mowing the lawn and wanted to go inside to get some stuff done but I got up with them and jumped, cracked the egg, did flips, etc. Thanks for your words leading me to a place to do the right thing even if only for 1/2 an hour today :-)
I love you!