Perspective

I think sometimes when we take a look at what others are going through, it gives us perspective.

There is a dangerous line in doing this because when we look around at others, we tend to compare and justify and do more damage than good. If we would just:

Turn our eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face.
And the things of earth
Will grow strangely dim
In the Light of His glory and grace.

My pain is pain no matter where I'm looking. I could compare it to someone having a splinter or to someone suffering with cancer. None of that changes the actual pain that I feel. It just changes my perspective on the pain. So, I choose to take pain, joy, suffering or anything (physical or emotional) to Christ.

Matthew 11:28-30
28 “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. 29 “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. 30 “For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

Living Proof Live

God's timing is always perfect. I just returned from the Living Proof Live Conference in San Antonio today. I got to meet some precious women and for that I am grateful. I believe it gave me a teeny tiny taste of the reunion we will all have in heaven.
Beth Moore did a phenomenal job communicating the Word of God passionately and accurately.



When the event ended yesterday, we walked in the rain. We were drenched! As we walked in the rain, I wondered why the child-like desire to splash in puddles had to leave.
Well, I got a second chance at it. I was hungry to play with my children after being gone and I was jumping on the trampoline with them, when all of the sudden subtle sprinkles began in the midst of sunshine. It quickly turned into a down-pour and we played like children. I ran out front with them all looking for places to splash with my girls. We sat in them, we splashed and we laughed. When I saw neighbors I didn't feel stupid because my children were with me. I am trying to picture what it would have looked like if I was sitting in a puddle in San Antonio and splashing all those women with no children around. I am thrilled to have children by my side helping to play well. Thank you, Lord for that second chance of playing in the rain!

9 Years ago today!!!!

Lord, I thank you for Nick. I praise you for the way that You have blessed and protected our marriage thus far. What a difficult year! I pray that we continue to rest in You in our marriage. You are the reason we know how to love each other. We can do Nothing in our marriage without You. You give us Peace. You teach us grace and forgiveness. It is because of You that we celebrate today!

Pain

I am stuck in a pain that feels inescapable. God in His Sovereignty planned for me to go to San Antonio on Friday. I would have never booked this trip if it weren't for a dear friend, Emily, inviting me. Because of my desire to see her, I planned the trip.

After 33 days at camp feeling like a single parent, I so desired some time away. But instead, God had me here to be with my sister as we make decisions and pick up the pieces of their now broken family. Yet, the trip is still there around the corner. Feelings of guilt for leaving and feelings of desperation for needing to go collide within me. My children have absorbed my emotions and regurgitated the anger they've seen.

At camp, I had many times that I struggled through disciplining them alone and in a strange environment. And now, here at home, I struggle to rightly teach them. I don't get it. I am plugging in to the Word of God every morning. I am trying to fill myself with Him and His truths in order to sustain me through my day. But, I am sad to say that there is no evidence of Him or His Spirit in my actions. I have given in to the emotion that is so strong within me. The awful emotion of anger. My eyes are flooded and my heart feels a combination of numbness and pain. I don't want to be angry. I long to just smile at my girls. Why does that have to be so hard for me?

Father~ I need You! What I have learned from you in the Light is now carrying me through this darkness. I know you are faithful to your promises. I know that what I have learned about you is true. And because of that I have hope. I have hope that I will make it through such a difficult time as this. Give me what I need to build my house up rather than tear it down. God, why don't I turn to you first? Do I not believe that You can fix this? I know that you are all-powerful even by the way that I capitalize Your Name. I humbly confess that I can do NOTHING apart from you. Use me. Teach me. Change me. Help me. Save me from myself. <><

First Day of School

Whatever. It's over-rated. Especially when the first day of school is having two of your three children only in half day. Half day that doesn't even start until 12:30. Here I am stuck in that morning before where we have built up this day for so long and the lingering hours waiting have cause me to explode. All this anticipation... and for what? A 2 1/2 hour break in my day? I should have known not to be excited until Fall of 2010 when all three are in full day! That is when the first day of school will get me all excited.
Until then, I will cope and will apologize to my girls for exploding. I will find something else to do with my mornings instead of sitting around at home waiting for school to start.
Oh, and pictures? Can't post those.... because I haven't taken them yet..... still morning!!!!!

Real Reason for being "on Hold"

I didn't know what to write. I didn't want it "out there." But, two days before leaving our month-long stay at camp, I found out that my sister was flying home with her four children to flee from her lying husband. We were all shocked that he has been living a horrible double life for their entire marriage.
We began our 15 hour drive home. By the middle of it, I realized I was on one of the longest hardest roads I'd ever be on. I was driving away from a rich, exhausting time working at a camp. But, I was pointed in the direction of devastation. The closer I got to OK the more real the pain became.
I have been walking this road with my sister now for over a week. I'm answering questions to my children I never thought of. I now beg for prayer for healing for her and for this difficult transition for her four children.
I contemplate my own marriage and realize that we live in such a fallen, messed up world. I long for Heaven and am thrilled that I have the hope of Heaven.

God, I know that you don't change when our circumstances do. We need your help.

On Hold

Well, I'm home from camp, but taking a few days off.