The Path

I went on a quick run this morning in preparation for departing for our all-too-familiar-road-trip to CO. We are actually taking the girls skiing for their first time this year! Usually, we drop them at the grandparents and hit the slopes ourselves. We are about to experience it in a whole new way....

Anyway, on my run, I began an old series that Matt Chandle,r from the Village Church did last year. It is titled: "The Path." At the end of part 1, he starts talking about how there are no guarantees that any of us will live to be 70 years old. He went on to say he was sure he would be doing someone's funeral at that church within the year. Then he stated that someone could be doing his. My point in bringing all of this up is that Matt "has it!" Do you know what I mean when I say that he "has it?" He understands God and many of His mysteries have been revealed to him through the Word of God!!! He has a malignant brain tumor that was not encapsulated. (you can read about it here!) This means that they couldn't get it all in surgery. But, see, years ago before there was any evidence of anything growing on or around his brain, he was preaching the Word of God as if any of us (including him) could have such a thing! The importance of "having it" is going to mark how we live our lives in the face of such a trial.

Please watch THIS VIDEO from him two days before the surgery where they began to discover more about this tumor! He is in the face of an ugly trial and yet he stands firm on a platform for God's goodness and His glory to be revealed.

Video from Matt

This excites me so much that I too hope that I would consider such a diagnosis an honor to display God's character to those that need to see it! Do you "have it?" The mystery can be revealed. I so get that in the face of a trial you can still call God good! I get that He doesn't change when our circumstances do. May I live like I get it!!!! As I pray for Matt to have God's peace and for his family, will you join me that God would be glorified no matter the outcome? That the circumstances of this trial do not define God! But that God's goodness is displayed for all to see!

Mistletoe

So, with my mind on a possible job move and our upcoming trip to Colorado, I really didn't want to get the Christmas decorations out to put up for what I think to be too short of a time. Some single moms were walking door to door last weekend selling Mistletoe. I gave my donation and hung it in the entry way. Satisfied with my small Christmas spirit, I thought I was done decorating the house.
Well, after a facebook status discussion, I felt that I was being selfish to my girls by not making the effort. So, out they came!!! We did all but the tree. Christmas spirit dwells within my home now. In doing this, I let the girls try on their dresses from Poppi and Mimi that have patiently gone untouched all year. Here are their sweet faces after decorating together!

God is my Provider

I've known since the beginning of September that Nick's job with Young Life could no longer exist after December 31st. The funds simply aren't there. So, as we've been seeking the Lord for options I have found myself back at the basic knowledge that God is my Provider. Is it easier for me to trust Him in this because we have a cushion in savings? Because we have two sets of parents that would welcome us into their home if we couldn't pay our mortgage? These have been convicting questions to me. I know that I know- that I know -that God takes care of us. But is it easier for me to look like I'm living in that confident faith because of these "back ups" in my pocket?

Obviously we are now in the month of December and nothing has actually been decided yet. I hear my heater running all day today because it's 17 degrees outside and I think of the cost of being warm. I think about my Dr. appoint that is scheduled in January that I may have to try to move to next week simply because who knows if we'll have insurance.

Trusting God can only happen when there is something to trust Him with. I am so thankful that God has put me in this boat where I float in HIS Trustworthiness. Francis Chan talked about in a podcast I heard yesterday that in Proverbs 30:7 this man says this:

"Two things I asked of You,
Do not refuse me before I die:
Keep deception and lies far from me,
Give me neither poverty nor riches;
Feed me with the food that is my portion"

Dude!!! The guy is asking to live paycheck to paycheck. He doesn't want anything extra and he doesn't want to starve. To say, Lord, only give me what I need FOR THAT DAY! The timing of hearing this verse spoken in this way was perfect. I know that God has all the details worked out. There are conversations that are happening almost daily about options for Nick within Young Life and as they happen I wait with the Patience and Peace that God has given me during this time.

It would satisfy parts of me to come on this blog and post my big announcement of our plan. But, I have nothing to report. **Except to testify of God's Provision.**
HE has always taken care of us. I watch it through my parents generous hearts. I see it in the patience and peace that He provides. I see it in the fully stocked pantry and freezer. I see it in my girls closets that are full of hand-me-down clothes. We are set and it is because we are more than sparrows! We aren't set because I have some money in savings. We aren't set because we have parents that are generous and would take us in. We ARE set because God uses whatever he needs to to see that we are taken care of. I rest in that and will continue to even after I hear of the plan for our future. One day at a time!!!

Running debrief...

On my run yesterday I actually retained enough that I simply have to regurgitate some of it here.

"We care more about our comfort than our character" - Francis Chan

When using the word steadfast or endure, the definition requires the weight to hold to be steadfast or to endure in the strength. You are not enduring when it is removed. So when building endurance, you have to have the thing there that you have to endure. The discomfort. So many people want a comfortable pain-free life. Character isn't developed without struggle. So, I would want to choose the uncomfortable, painful things that make me stronger and better FOR God's glory. Grow me. Change me. Don't take it away and make it all better, because then I'm deprived of the opportunity to become who God wants me to become.

I actually prayed the strongest prayer I think I've ever prayed when listening to Francis' sermon yesterday. I'm posting it here to chronicle it. I said, "Whatever it takes!" I don't even want to type out the things I offered to God, but they were about as open handed as one could get. Then this morning, I got a little scared. Is this the last time I'll see my daughter? Are things so amazing with my husband right now, because this is the end? Regardless, my hand has no grip on anything in my life and I freely offer it all to God. As I write this, I realize He has always had the power to take and I just handed an invisible baton of control.

"Things are caught, not taught" -familiar quote requoted by Francis Chan

The best parenting advice EVER: Work on yourself first. If you are self-controlled and equipped in God's armor and filled with the Spirit and so on and so forth, your children will see and learn so much more than when you are throwing commands while suffering in your own internal battle.

For me, personally this translated into getting up in the mornings before my children. Around my house, I am blessed to have a husband that delights in doing the morning routine. This allows me to just sleep right through it all!!!! I LOVE sleep!!! But, for me, I felt like I was actually sinning by sleeping in every single morning. I was flirting with the depression that I am tempted by each day. During those morning hours I struggle with facing what my role is. Well, starting this morning, I set the alarm and obediently got out of bed to work on myself first! So far so good! I'm excited and challenged!

Wrongly Delegated

I hear from my daughter's mouth, "I don't want to make you mad!" When did I give her the power of my moods? The power to hold a key to any of my emotions? She is too young. She shouldn't have to feel the weight of responsibility of my happiness. This is something that is difficult to undo.

Lord, give me wisdom in this endeavor!

Gift

As I have been pounding the pavement, I've had so many podcasts going in that I don't know where to begin in everything that is coming out of me. This is transformation. I have one to two sermons every day or every other day playing in my earbuds as I've been pacing myself through the sidewalks of Edmond this Fall. It has been an overwhelming thing to take so much in. I find myself talking out loud in agreement with the pastors that ask application questions. Sometimes it is in agreement that I am so there with them living a certain way and making certain choices or sacrifices. Other times, it is sadly a discouraging confession of where I am falling short of the calling.
There is one question that is standing out to me from the dozens I've been pondering.

Am I using the gifts that God gave me?
And am I using them for His glory?

I can tell you that today God showed me a way that I can use one of my talents for His glory. A few weeks ago, my friend's two year old son died from drowning in a swimming pool. I have been praying Romans 15:13 (NLT) for every member in her family every time I think of them. I know that praying is good. But at times like these, people always want to "do" something more. The Holy Spirit very clearly told me how I can minister to the entire family. I am to make a scrapbook of his life as a gift for them. So, over these next few days, the family will be getting pictures printed and stories written for me to put in a book. I feel so honored to get to do this for this family!

With the feeling of being used by God comes fulfillment. There truly is nothing as fulfilling as living in a God-honoring way. Oh, how this has sparked a desire to find this kind of fulfillment in everything I do.

God, may I do everything as unto YOU! Help use me as I create for this family. Continue to hold this family strongly in your grip and cradle them with the Hope that is in You Alone!

18 miles

When I read my "Runner's World" magazine or read a runner's blog I consider myself a beginner because I haven't run a marathon. Why is everything based on the scale of whether or not you have run a marathon? Maybe it's not. But, I perceive it that way. And because I perceive it that way, I'm shooting to run a marathon. I just read a friend's post on why she ran a marathon. Her intentions where so good. You can read about it here. It's rather inspiring. I can only wish that my reasons for training and running a marathon were in line with hers, but I'm still trying to figure out why I'm aiming thataway!!!
When I began my running journey in May of this year I didn't have any goals. I just wanted to run. Quickly, I realized I needed to see how far I could push myself. I still am trying to figure out what it is exactly that is driving me. I can tell you that each milestone brings such joy to me that maybe I'm just running for joy.
Well, to the title of this post...
My inspirational running buddy told me that before I even register for a full marathon, I needed to just run 18 miles to see if I felt okay. Well, I did that yesterday!!!! It's official that I can NOW register for the one I want to do. I watched her cross the finish line and only hoped that I could do it next year. Now, I'm shooting for that goal. So, I am going to register for the OKC Memorial Marathon for April 2010!!!!



On my 18 miler yesterday, I thoroughly enjoyed that for right under 3 hours, my body could maintain such a rhythm. I listened to two podcasts and a new playlist. The Fall weather was perfect! I am excited about this running, joyous journey!!!!
I still think someone should pay me for running a marathon instead of me paying $90.00 to run 26.2 miles. What's up with that? Maybe I could take up a collection ;)