Broken Record

I look at a mother of an infant and can easily remember what it felt like then. It's all about "the baby". A serious case of ESP (eating, sleeping and pooing) is all you live for in those first few months. Then, a personality develops. You live for the moments of connecting with giggles, first words and adorable moments that only someone that young can produce!

But, somewhere along this parenting journey, it shifts from "a baby" to a heart that needs shepherding. What a task! As I continually repeat the demands and the rules I feel like a broken record player....
yes, I had a record player back in my day, so I can refer to that as a valid analogy :)

Sometimes what is hard about the training of our children is how I "feel." I'll repeat the overstated rule or command and instantly think to myself, "Why do I even tell them this? They aren't going to "get it" until they are a parent." So, that feeling of "it-doesn't-do-any-good" takes over and then I am defeated.

I picture that young mother again and think how simple that was and how naive I was then. It is so incredibly difficult to parent well. Staying consistent and self-controlled are two challenges I face daily. I'm tempted with the lazy attitude of, "why teach 'em?" I mean, seriously. It makes me angry when they fail. It makes me exhausted because of the uphill battle that it feels like.

BUT YET, I am accountable and I have been called to train my children with the Word of God. And so, I do. I press on. I put my novel down and pick up the parenting books and I invest in the job I'm called to do today. For, it will be gone soon and I'll remember when.... :)

Father, I need you in ways I didn't know I'd need you when you gave me these daughters. I trust You completely! I thank you for them. Thank you for being on my team and being so Gracious. I couldn't imagine parenting without You and the Help and Strength that You are and that You freely provide. Thank you for Your Holy Spirit within me! Now, help my broken record to have your Grace Sound!
In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Victory Run

I've been told to go slow and not very far on my very first run since surgery. So, I tightened my shoelaces (they've been on lax-tie since January) and turned on my ipod. I intentionally did NOT wear my garmin as I did not want to see how slow I would run my very short distance back at it!

My goal was to the entrance of my neighborhood. That's a quarter of a mile.... Wahoo! We're talking big time, here!

On the way out I was paying attention to every bone and joint and muscle in my body. Then a good song came on and I felt myself settle in and a smile crept on my face. It was like some sort of long lost identity was found. I am a runner! Even when I was runner I didn't feel like I was a runner. But here I was in the 100 degree heat mid-summer-day in OK running with a smile on my face.

I came back to the house and got my knee brace (that I was supposed to have on in the first place) and headed back out to the entrance of my neighborhood. On my way back, I decided that I could call this almost ONE mile run a victory run because I stopped due to the heat... NOT pain, NOT injury, NOT weakness!!!!

I think I've logged my first run back after injury, surgery and recovery :)

I feel a little like this:

Look and Learn

I choose to fix my eyes on Jesus. When my total focus is on HIM, He is all I want. He is all I desire. I’m ready for eternity with Him. I’m ready to do His will. I’m ready to be used by Him and my love for Him makes me want to live my life on earth all for His glory. May all see Him and desire Him!

I’ve just finished the first of three books that tell a story about some really bad things that people do. Since I don’t have my hands on the second book in this trilogy I just flipped on the TV in order to have some background noise as I played words with friends on my phone. The news that was broadcasted into my hotel room was so disheartening; I had to stop and think.

The book I read was fiction. The TV was not. It was showing clips of sex scandals with politicians over the years. The lies fell from their lips to cover their shame, and then the next clip was the apology. I listened and realized that they aren’t much different from a lot of the bible characters I’ve read about. It’s sad really to watch the destruction and pain from wrong choices.

I get that wrong choices are where we do most of our learning. But, can we not start to learn from others wrong choices? Now, I’m thinking about my children. Can I not show them numerous mistakes made so that they can learn? As most parents desire to “shelter” their children from hearing and learning things too early, I’m starting to wonder if the more you tell them and share with them now, the more equipped they’ll be for what they will face.

For now, I’ll continue to teach them the truth that comes from my all time favorite hymn:
“Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.”

Hot Dogs and Ka-Bobs

Inspiration for finding joy has found me today. Friendly faces fluttered in and out of my home yesterday and joy is once again restored. I'm sure that difficult place I was in is lurking and would love to set up camp in my mind and heart but it is not welcome here.

Meal planning has always been a challenge for me and when I had the idea to grill some yummy ka-bobs for Nick and me for dinner, I knew the kiddos wouldn't like it so much. So, I came up with the idea of grilling hot dogs for them. Once the catchy rhyme played in my head I smiled. Hot Dogs and Ka-Bobs made me smile. Really? Sometimes you never know what will put a smile on a face and some joy restored to your heart, but for today I will relish in it and secretly smile as we eat dinner tonight!

Tick Tock

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

I grew up hearing that.

So, as I've gone to post in my blog lately, I stare at the cursor and eventually just close the screen and walk away. It is sad to me that my knee and this injury/surgery and recovery can cause such a depression within me. I used to love to run. I was outside. I was listening to podcasts. I was moving.

Filling my time doing rides and runs was great for me... for my soul... for my identity. Now I sit wondering what I will do or become if it isn't returned to me. Even cleaning the house, yoga, planting, anything with squatting, kneeling or bending is too difficult for me. So, I'm sitting in this place of identity loss and confusion.

Inspiration has left me. Motivation has vanished. And all too quickly (there's the tick tock) that big yellow bus will no longer come and take my kiddos away. I'll be in this place each day with them by my side desiring adventure and play. I am trying to embrace where I am and live fully and find the thankfulness that I have to give each day. I just needed to write why I haven't been writing.

Even the Seeds of Weeds

It is that time of year again.... the time of year where all sorts of spiritual analogies flood my mind as my hands are in the earth digging, pulling, planting and pruning.

Forgive me if I've shared or overused these analogies... but the Bible is to blame. Jesus used plant analogies LOTS, so I will to.

We want the good stuff, the pretty flowers, to take root and flourish. Right? So, I look at all that is involved in helping that desire along. I find great soil and I feed each plant with some pebbled looking "root blast". Root blast? Really? Well, hmmmm..... what would root blast look like spiritually in my life? In your life?
I water. I gingerly handle the plant and give it a nice place to live as I will it to take root.

But the weeds? Oh, no! I grip firmly and practically curse the entire root existence out of my flower beds. Be gone. I give some muscle into it and I pull with might and you know what? It's messy sometimes when it finally loosens and releases it's root from it's home. A messy splash of dirt in my face and all over my clothes cause me to think about how messy it is to deal with the sin in our lives especially to the root of the issue. What has taken root in your life that will be messy once you start to get a grip on it and begin the removal process? And even more... that one weed and the root that you've dealt with all too often has inevitably left some of it's seeds in that region.

The weed's seeds are there, my friend. Once exposed it more difficult to maintain weed free. Some may hear this fully and some may not. But, I caution you to not think you have dealt with the issue because the isolated event was dealt with. Those seeds go deep. But, God goes even deeper still.

Run. Bike. Dog-paddle.

Wouldn't that be a great bumper sticker? Run. Bike. Dog-paddle.

As I'm doing my physical therapy and thinking down the road of just what MIGHT be in my future, a triathlon popped into my head. When it popped in, I came up with this bumper sticker idea and think I could get pretty rich off of it. I can't tell you how many people say that the swim is their weak area.

Then, you know me... I had to plug this in somehow to something spiritual. :)

How many of us have a weak area? Praying. Evangelizing. Reading or memorizing Scripture. Giving.

When I think of God desiring our WHOLE heart, our WHOLE mind and our WHOLE soul (Matthew 22:37) I want to give 100% in all areas. Instead of passing something off as weakness, I want to let that be an area for HIM to be STRONG. (2 Corinthians 12:10b) And Lastly, I know that God desires for us to be sold out in one direction or the other (Matthew 6:24). He will not stand for the lukewarm (Revelation 3:15 & 16).

So, I will strive to use God's strength in ALL areas of my life. Will You?

And about that bumper sticker... I may not strive to be a better swimmer, so if any of you turn this into a bumper sticker, just make sure I get some of the proceeds!