Saturday, January 17, 2009


When I was four years old my parents taught me to ski. I'm not gonna lie.... I was irresistable on that big ole' mountain. Just a little puff of cuteness with no poles, snow plowing my way down a mountain. I remember being in the lift lines and having so many people just stare at me. They'd point and whisper and I pretty much knew they were talking about how adorable I was by the grins on their faces. As I write this, I wonder if this is where my great self-confidence came from? I always said that it came when I memorized Psalm 139 in 6th grade. It was at that time that I grasped that I was created by God and I was fearfully and wonderfully made. So, I've thought my confidence was accurately pinpointed to that moment in my past, but now I believe it came from my four-year old cuteness on the mountain!!

Over the years, I continued skiing and I enjoyed it. I love the mountains. But, it wasn't until I tried snowboarding that I fell in love with any kind of snow sport! After 18 years of skiing, I quit it and never looked back because snowboarding became more my thing! A couple of years into my new-found fun, I met Nick. The two of us did this together and loved that we had it in common. After only two weeks of knowing each other, we camped out and hiked a fourteener with a group of friends. (memory tidbit: I remember quoting Psalm 139 to him on our hike up the mountain.) Anyway, Having a strong love for the mountains is something we've always had in common. He soon introduced me to mountain biking and eventually road biking. I love that I get to do these things with my hubby.

But, here's the thing that is so hard. He gets more opportunities to do these things now than I do and I'm so tempted to let resentment sneak in. He's snowboarding this weekend. I'm home taking care of the kiddos. I feel like I am a way better snowboarder than I am a Mom. I failed pretty miserably with my girls last night. Tears, apologies and prayers were including at the end of my breakdown. Today, as I've looked back at last nights failure, there is a lot of guilt and overall sadness. I'd so much rather be on a mountaintop. Who wouldn't? I mean, we've all heard the analogy that there are mountaintop experiences and deep, low valley moments. (walk in the valley of the shadow of death...)

I handle my times in the valley so much better when my partner is not having fun on top of a mountain without me. I'm just sayin'.... this is where I am.


Mari Fontana said...

i understand...totally!

Mimi said...

I remember well those ski trips with the four of you. You were cute all right; and we were so proud of you when everyone watched you going down the mountain. Great fun, huh? but really? I also remember carrying four sets of boots, boles, skis, snacks, lunch, tickets, gloves, hats. etc......!! well, at least it was fun for you. Just think, you could be there with your three girls whining and crying about the cold and being hungry and tired and wanting to go to the room, etc.!! (smiley face if I knew how)

Staceystace said...

Oh, Rachel. It simply is not fair! It really is easy for that resentment to come.
First of all, mothering - even with failures - is a SUCCESS when it is done with tears and prayer and a total recognition that you must have God to see you through. Even if you are thinking, "But you don't understand. I really blew it." I have been there and have to believe at least most mothers who attempt to truly train children have been, too. And I am saying that humble mothering is good mothering.

Secondly, ask God for the strength to be happy for Nick's opportunity...and I know that one is a zinger!...but also that He might give you more opportunities to be with Nick on these kinds of excursions. Because you are too cute in your puffy little outfit not to be on the slopes! ;)

Chelle said...

An award awaits you at my blog...enjoy!

Stacey said...

I'm just sayin' you're a stud. a cute puffy stud-muffin. I'm just sayin' that when LJ goes out to lunch with people 3 days a week and i only leave this place for church on'm just sayin'.

Ang baylis said...

Oh, I remember those days well. Now that I'm an empty nester I can do all of those things. Your day will come, sweetie! I can SO relate to what you shared. Thanks for your honesty about this! I have been a skier my whole life (although I hate being cold these days) and have never tried snowboarding. I am proud of you for being able to do it! Anyway... thanks for sharing your ups and downs with us out here in blog land!
Angie xoxo

Ang baylis said...

p.s. you are a great mom!!!