Monday, January 5, 2009


I feel like I have been on a never-ending adventure. It had a beginning, but the ending.... not sure I can fathom that. It all began when our family took off for the camp where Nick was working for one month last summer. See, since my struggle is mothering, I was anxious to try to do it in another environment around lots of people for a whole month. I wrote almost daily on this blog about it here! It ended up being a wonderful experience as I got to watch my children love on high school kids and be adventurous with the things the camp offered.

But, I returned home to a total different life with my sister and her four kids living here. I'm so thrilled that they are here and I get as much time with them as I do. It is a strange thing to absolutely love having them here but struggling at how different life is. It's almost like I was in a waiting pattern for life to return to some sort of normal. I figured that would happen after Christmas Break. Oh, I'm getting ahead of myself.

There is Ashlyn's surgery that leads into our time in Colorado that leads into last night..... Here we go. Ashlyn had her tonsils and adenoids removed right at the beginning or Christmas vacation! The healing process for her was difficult. I don't want to expand on this so I'm leaving it at that. As a matter of fact, I want to wrap up this entire struggle with Ashlyn in a nutshell. I need prayer because watching her be sick is a difficult thing for me. She started a pretty big asthma attack when we took the tree down and dusted in places that had been neglected for quite some time. I am praying that God gives me more compassion for her.

So, my life's adventure seems to be continuing on without a whole lot of hope. I mean, I know that my HOPE is in the LORD. But, until that day comes of His return or my death, I am feeling depressed. I'm feeling sad about each day. Gloom. That's the word for my world right now. And the crazy thing is... I have a great life! I am blessed. Why the gloom if I am so blessed? It simply doesn't line up.

God, I am so glad that You are in my midst! You are here in this place of hardship with me. I don't have to invite You into my adventure because You are here. I love You and trust YOU!


Chelle said...

Praying for you. And if you need to vent safely, just email me.

Mari Fontana said...

I can totally relate on the gloom..I will pray.

Staceystace said...

I'm sorry, Rachel. Depression is so tough. I hope you see the Father's love for you even in the middle of it...and I also hope it lifts for you.

Jen said...

rach, i am right there with you and "gloom" is the perfect word!!! i can't explain it at all... on the verge of tears ALL the is truly good, but an inward struggle of failing is going on within me!!! i pray for clarity and seek HIM, but i truly feel we are being attacked in a mighty way!!! may the GOD of HOPE meet us were we are and may PEACE consume us at all times!! in JESUS name.....amen