Black Flowers

Because of the title of my post, I'll go ahead and tell the story before I make any connections or applications.

I was on a run when I spotted what looked like a black flower.  No kidding!  Very similar to a Gerber daisy.  Petals straight out, horizontal with the ground!  But then it even looked like a black stem.  That's when I quickly realized that it must be a mushroom or something.  I kept my pace and continued on thinking about what I just saw.  I've landed with the conclusion that I'm sure it was a mushroom, but I could not get away from the idea of a "black flower."  I thought it was beautiful.... but "it" didn't really exist.  How can something that doesn't exist be beautiful?

James 1:2
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,"

That verse equals black flowers to me.  You've heard 'beauty from ashes?"  Well, something along those lines....I see that in my hard, God is there.  I feel His very presence in the midst of it all.  So, maybe that's why I'm so drawn to the idea of black flowers.

Since then...
Well, I found and bought some fake "black flowers" at Hobby Lobby.  I LOVE them!  I love that they make me think of James 1:2.  I see God EVEN when I'm smack dab in the middle of difficulties.  

The "Ghost" is clear!!!!

I didn't used to be a reader.  In fact, at some point in college, I realized I had only ever read "Charlotte's Web."  I wrote a paper on "Pilgrim's Progress", but I know I didn't read the whole book.  I probably just skimmed for sentences that I could expand on.  This is a really sad fact to me.  ESPECIALLY now that I have kids of my own that I would love to see reading all the time, like me!

That's right, in 2008, I finally became "A Reader."  My definition of being a reader:
A reader- always having a book that you are currently reading.
My pace has picked up to about 1 or 2 books per month.  I keep an on-going list of the books I've read (that dates all the way back to when I started in 2008.)  That list reminds me of a silly little list I kept in a billfold of boys that I kissed.  Sad but true.

There is something terrific about books.  They can be used for, an escape, education, entertainment, enrichment, pleasure, teaching, understanding and so much more. 

Anyway, I can get overwhelmed by the list of books that people recommend. Especially if you don't know what they use their reading material for.  I've found that one of my favorite things about reading happens when I come across the correct usage of idioms and such.  So, for now... the coast is clear!

POSITIVE

Often times I can get cynical.  You too?  Phew….. it's not fun to realize that is where I land.  At the end of the day, that's where and when it creeps in.

Cynicism- An attitude of scornful or jaded negativity, especially a general distrust of the integrity or professed motives of others

Because of this inclination that I have, I'm excited to post about what God is doing about this in my life…… How cool is it that our God is so personal, that HE knows this about me, so that when our pastor challenges us to come up with one word for our year, God puts within me the word: POSITIVE!  I'm not kidding….could there be an absolute better opposite word than Positive for the cynicism that I struggle with?

I do believe that our thoughts drive the boat of our lives.  We will do and believe what we think.  I would be shipwrecked if I continued on with the negative thoughts driving the boat of my life for our family.

Did you notice at the beginning of this post, I wrote "at the end of the day?"  Well, I know that's because I begin each day in the word and reading the materials needed to equip myself for each day's battle.  But, my goodness, there must be an expiration hour on those readings that hit around 4:00 each day!!!  When my kiddos were little, I called it the sundown syndrome time of day…aka ,…. the witching hour.  But now, they are the intrusions to the victorious day I've had (while they've been at school!)

Seriously, I do feel like I live in victory during the daylight, but then the sun sets and I begin to feel the downward pull of negativity.  I'm not going to pretend that I understand the science nor the psychology of it.  I will  tell you that I'm in need of our savior at the end of the day JUST AS MUCH as I am at the beginning of the day.

Oh, how in the world does anyone make it in this world without HIM???  I may not do it well, but I will proclaim that I can't do any of it without HIM at all.  Without HIM, I truly am NOTHING.  It is my greatest joy just to be a vessel for others to see HIM in me.  To God be the glory for the great things HE does!!!

Do love.

What love actually does looks different in the many lives with our many make ups.  Love is seen in action.  I know this much is true.

Do you think that friendships are becoming more obsolete due to social media?  I think it's becoming harder for our love to do when we are forming habits of clicking a button with a thumb sticking up.

"Liking" a friends status masquerades what love can do when you look into the eyes of a friend and listen to what is going on in their lives.  I think what is actually happening when we scroll through our news feed is choosing what our preferred content is to digest.  In friendship, the listener isn't in control. They are residing in a sacrificial, loving posture of listening. Listeners are passengers.  By contrast, scrolling makes us the driver.

Conversations need to be taking place between friends.  Unscreened by caller i.d., unannounced at my house and not in a position of control or power via text.

My love is going to do friendship.  If you get a call from me or I show up, let's hang out and try it the old-fashioned way!

An impossible wish

All the fairy tales have this one restriction.  All stories tell it.  I can't make someone love you.

With this in mind, I feel deflated as a parent. I have two daughters where I would honestly use a potion if I could get my hands on some that would make them love each other.

It seems that no amount of discipline or training can teach it.  So, I want to quit.  It's just not in them.  I know, I know.... I should pray about it and for them.  So, I did.  And I did.  I got to lead the Mom's In Prayer group at my house last year for our elementary.  At the end of every school year, we use our last time of meeting together to Praise God for answered prayer.  I did see many answers to our prayers, but the one where my heart sank was the lack of love between these two.  Once again, deflated.

Our annual family camping trip is coming up and I simply don't want to be around those two.  What do you do with that?

I know.  I know.  Pray.

Lord, You know my heart and these deep crevices of pain and struggle watching the potential of a relationship that just won't form.  Would you come into their little hearts and do something BIG and special that would give them a bond that can only point to you?  I'm begging you to move.
I trust you with this endeavor! 

I'm OLD.

The fact that I am "old" doesn't really bother me at all.  I'm not saying it in a "Oh, no you're not!" kind of way.  I actually hate that response.  People think the mention of age or the mention of the arrival of the crinkles and wrinkles mean that I need an opposing comment to balance it out.

Why is that?

Why can't someone just agree with me?

Old is also relative, I know.  But to me....I am old.

I will look at my hands in certain light and see the sagginess.  There you go.  That's a comment I can make about my age without it screaming that I need a rebuttal.  I'm sure there are creams for "younger looking hands" on the market and some people may be insecure about aging hands, but again.....not bothered.

It's strange though, that's all.  I think it just happened sooner than I thought.

Good?

I just finished studying the part in the book of Romans that says that there is NO ONE Righteous.  NO, NOT ONE.

Keep this in mind when I mention these two question that have come up the past few weeks.....

My neighbor's house has been vacant since August.  I'm so.very.ready. for a new neighbor.  I've been so blessed with this little triangle around me and I see how God has richly blessed me with amazing friendships that are on such a deep level that I almost feel a void knowing there is a vacancy, which feels like a friendship not happening.

So, when I see people checking out the house, IF it's convenient... I make my way over for conversation (maybe I see now why it hasn't sold....chuckle!)  No, really, I've only had two conversations with people.

But, in one of those conversations the question was asked if the elementary school that we are zoned in is "good."  I quickly light up and say yes!  I let them know that I lead the prayer group for that school.  When immediately in my heart, I think of Sandy Hook Elementary.  Hmmmm.  Is any elementary school "good"?  Oooh, this got me thinking and a little sad.

The next instance was simply when I thought about an upcoming meeting with a mom whose baby I am about to become a nanny to.  When thinking about meeting with her, I actually had the thought, as fleeting as it was; "Is your baby a "good" baby?"  Yikes.

Who would ask such things?

Someone who wants a life of ease?  Someone afraid?  I'm not judging here as I was one of the ones who thought up such a question.

Don't get me wrong.  I know there are infants that cry a LOT and infants that are pretty laid back and not quite as needy and that is ultimately where the question derives from.  And I know that some elementary schools have better ratings than others.  But when I got to thinking about how all of us are born with a sinful nature and many in the world do not live lives that are controlled by the Spirit, then there are none good....that is apart from Christ!!!

How cool that we are cloaked in HIS righteousness!  The starting verse that I began this post with can make one feel depressed about the world....there is no ONE person that is RIGHTEOUS.  But, I leave you with this:
"You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them (the spirits that are not of God), because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world."  1 John 4:4 (NLT)

Wow, I'm pumped!  Whether evil will happen at my kid's school, or whether the baby I take care of cries the entire time, I'm equipped.  He is greater and He lives in me!!!!  How thankful I am for Jesus and the perfect sacrifice He was for us ALL!