Blah

Between this last episode of Downton Abbey, reading through the book of Job and this dreary day where I'm required to stay and wait for a package to be delivered....I'm going to diagnose myself with a serious case of the blah's!

Although I wouldn't be totally truthful if I said it was JUST today and JUST because of those things.

It allowed for a great intro though.  At least, I think it did.  Sometimes these blah's that I get can simply come from the humdrum of life.  I don't like it one bit, but it's there.  

I get a numbness to the uncomfortable parts of life.  Actually it's a bit more like robotic than numbness.  I feel, therefore, I'm not numb.  But I go through the motions without an expression.

I have learned that reacting is just so darn tiring.  I'm tired of reacting.  In an effort to be more self-controlled, I just do whatever action is at hand without expression or feeling.  I stare off in to a distant place and just do the work.  It's like I'm just passing the time.

This is terrible stuff to confess, but it's really where I am.  The thing I fear most about being in this place is that the light at the end of the tunnel can't be seen.  

I agree

Click here if you accept the terms and conditions.  Yikes!  How many times have I clicked it and NEVER even opened the link to at least scan the terms and conditions.

I wonder how many things in our life we say that we agree to so we can really get what we want without ever reading the fine print to know the heart of the cause, to understand the legality of the issue or heeding the cautions that are given.

This takes my mind to the Word of God.  Too often, we call ourselves "Christians" but don't ever read the Bible.  How can we be a follower of Jesus if we don't listen to His words.  The Bible is God-breathed words to us.  I'm loving a new feature to the You Version Bible App that I just discovered.  It's the "Community" notes.  Some of them are just way "out there," but others.....wow!  What a blessing to hear what God reveals to others in the same reading that I have just read.  This feature is allowing me to spend more time in His word, digging deeper into meaning and understanding.

I probably will still quickly click the "I agree to the terms and conditions" box when it pops up in the future, but I do love where it got my mind going today.

HaPpY NeW YeAr!!

For one brief moment, I bought into the New Year hype.  I actually thought, "Maybe tomorrow will be different."  Here I am, tomorrow.  It's the same.  The same arguments are argued.  My mind is filled with the same thoughts from yesterday.  It is just another day.

However, God always meets me in my tomorrow and is always there in my today.  So, why would I want something different?  Why would I want a clean slate? A fresh start?  When everything continually builds to make me who I am today.  Yesterday's struggles and pains and joys make me the Me that I am.

Thank you, God for who You are.  That in the midst of discontentment, You reveal ways for me to have a contented spirit.  Thank you for the memories of 2012 that were both good and hard.  I am so blessed to have Your Spirit within me.

NYC

I've never been to NYC!  So, when something came up that would require Nick to go for work, I was quick to hop on that trip.  I'm so excited to finally go and experience New York.  However, I must say in that very same breath that I am overwhelmed.  Where do I begin?  I've been online and reading everything just makes me wish we could have even more time there.

So, I've resorted to using my blogpost as an outlet for my research.  Please, tell me your best advise on must see's and must do's during our time there.  We will be there mid October.

Oh, and when I went to ask my parents to watch our kiddos while we go, I discovered they'd never been either.  Thankfully we found friends to watch the girls so that the four of us adults can experience it together.

We'd love to see a broadway show and that alone I'm struggling with because of the reviews I've been reading.  I've ALWAYS been told how wonderful Wicked is, so that's the one I was shocked to read something negative about.  Mary Poppins looks great!  Anyone know anything about Jersey Boys or The Book of Mormon?  Any input is appreciated!!!!!

Time

All summer the hummingbirds have flocked to the feeders outside my window.  This morning is the first that I have heard their hum from inside my house.  That's right!  It's a quiet house that I'm sitting in.  School started this morning.


It's fun to see all the pics of kiddos wearing their backpacks, loading on buses with sharpened pencils and smiles on their faces.  There's a lot of talk of how time flies and don't blink because you just might miss it.

It's true that something crazy happens with "time" when the kids start school.  But logic tells me that time is all the same whether you stay at home with little pre-schoolers, following a schedule that includes naps and snack time and play dates, and bath time.  Or whether it's the long, hot days of summer.  Or sending a child to Middle School for the first time.... I know that there is always 24 hours in a day and 365 days in a year, so nothing really speeds up.  So, why does it feel like they grow up fast?

Regardless of why it feels like that, I'm thrilled to watch my children grow each year!  The head taller, the teeth larger, their eyes smarter!  What a natural process to grow and change with each passing day.

Diagnosis

For quite some time, I've suffered with lower back pain.  I've tried chiropractors, medication, and Pilates.  I've had x.rays and massages.  It was only getting worse.  So, I finally went to an orthopedic doctor who picked up on the fact that it might have been OB related.  I immediately made an appointment with my OB who examined me and did an ultrasound.  The suspicion was endometriosis.  

So last week, I went in for a laparoscopy and my doctor said that as soon as she put the scope in she was amazed at how much endometriosis there was.  I was covered.  She used a laser to remove as much as she could, but later told me that she couldn't set the temperature low enough to get it off of some major blood vessels without damaging them in the process.  A hysterectomy is in my future.

It feels very strange to me to diagnosed with something that is serious, but not life-threatening.  It's like it's a big deal, but it's not.

The thing that I can't stop praising my God for is the timing.  I keep thanking Him for allowing the endometriosis to not grow and implant until my late 30's when I've had my three daughters.  I remember early on discussing birth control with my husband, saying that I was scared to take it in my own hands and say I wanted to choose to have kids later in our marriage.  I even expressed to him my fear of "controlling" it and missing my window or messing my body up in the process leaving me unable to have children.
I know this disease is a huge blow to many women  because of it stripping them of the opportunity to bear children.  So, I accept this diagnosis with praises on my lips to a God who kept it at bay until this time.

Honeymoon

It's a time for celebration!!!! I am in the "honeymoon" stages of parenting. This stage of life with my kiddos is so enjoyable! This is the last year they are all three at the same school (elementary.) I have heard the warnings of what will come. Some have horror stories of the infamous teenage years. Some have some sweet stories. I just know that for today, I LOVE these girls of mine and the relationships I have with each of them.

Instead of fearing what is to come, I walk in a contented place today. I will pray that this continues as Nick and I prayed our honeymoon would never end.

After 12 1/2 years of marriage, our honeymoon really hasn't ended. Our life together is an extended honeymoon and now that I've arrived at this place with my children I am encouraged by the answered prayer with my husband that I can boldly ask God for this "honeymoon" stage of parenting to never end.

Father~
I thank you for bringing me to this place of total joy in parenting these girls You've entrusted to me. Thank you for the relationships built between us. Continue to give me wisdom and sustain me through the bumps! May this sweet stage be our way of life. May we walk in joy and contentment until the end of age!