Answer

Since we found out that our family is moving to Colorado, many people have asked many questions to which I have been responding with a perpetual and exasperated "I don't know!"  We have not had a lot of clarity in this year long process.  Needless to say, I have been playing hypothetical living for far too long! I'm not complaining at all....it just is what it is. 

BUT today, I have ONE answer and that is ONE answer closer to many more.  We are leaving Oklahoma the last week in July.  Nick will be starting his position on August 1st.

So, what that means is that we will be living with my ever-generous sister, Kaylyn and her family until our house sells and we get settled into one of our own.  Out of all the hypothetical scenarios that I've played out, it feels so strange to declare it and make it official. 

This feels like the third domino to fall.  We got a "YES" on moving to CO.  We put our house on the market.  We have made the plans to move there before the house sells and live with my sister.  Do you see the line of dominoes falling?  I'm starting to.  Even now, as I'm typing, my heart's desire is to be under contract BEFORE we go.  I wake up each morning begging for God to bring the right people to buy our house.  But, as I beg, I trust.  I trust HIS timing more than my desired time table. 

All of the sudden, there is a shift for me in passing these days on the market....Now, I get to think of eating everything in our pantry and freezer and fridge!!!  So, if you're invited over last minute, it's because I need more friends' mouths to help us eat our food and give hugs good-bye to.  I'm tasting the bitter part of this bittersweet time for us. 

Much love and many (((hugs)))

Market Ready!

Our house has been on the market for two weeks today!  On the day that we heard we were moving to  Colorado, I rearranged our family room so the couch was no longer hiding the fire place and I cleaned up some of the kids' junk in our 3rd car garage area.  Those two things were really the ONLY two things I had to do to be ready to show my house.  I thought I was ready to be on the market.  I was mentally patting myself on the back because I thought I had lived "market ready!"  Until....

I started to notice the dirt streaks on Megan's yellow walls and a saggy curtain rod and an outlet cover that needed to be replaced and...well, the small list went on and my "Market Ready Pride" popped.  The spiritual parallel began to form quickly in my mind.

We, as believers, know that we should live like the bride of Christ waiting for HIS return.  We are to be ready at any moment to be taken up with HIM.  And maybe we do have our lives "looking" pretty good, but in reality, there's a lot of clean up and our to do list is a bit longer than we'd care to admit.

So, since that mental spiritual parallel, I have just been living in that place of being on the market.  Ready to turn on the lights on and pop out of our house at any given time until we get an offer.  As soon as we know anything more on timing for our transition, I'll be sure to post about it.

Black Flowers

Because of the title of my post, I'll go ahead and tell the story before I make any connections or applications.

I was on a run when I spotted what looked like a black flower.  No kidding!  Very similar to a Gerber daisy.  Petals straight out, horizontal with the ground!  But then it even looked like a black stem.  That's when I quickly realized that it must be a mushroom or something.  I kept my pace and continued on thinking about what I just saw.  I've landed with the conclusion that I'm sure it was a mushroom, but I could not get away from the idea of a "black flower."  I thought it was beautiful.... but "it" didn't really exist.  How can something that doesn't exist be beautiful?

James 1:2
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,"

That verse equals black flowers to me.  You've heard 'beauty from ashes?"  Well, something along those lines....I see that in my hard, God is there.  I feel His very presence in the midst of it all.  So, maybe that's why I'm so drawn to the idea of black flowers.

Since then...
Well, I found and bought some fake "black flowers" at Hobby Lobby.  I LOVE them!  I love that they make me think of James 1:2.  I see God EVEN when I'm smack dab in the middle of difficulties.  

The "Ghost" is clear!!!!

I didn't used to be a reader.  In fact, at some point in college, I realized I had only ever read "Charlotte's Web."  I wrote a paper on "Pilgrim's Progress", but I know I didn't read the whole book.  I probably just skimmed for sentences that I could expand on.  This is a really sad fact to me.  ESPECIALLY now that I have kids of my own that I would love to see reading all the time, like me!

That's right, in 2008, I finally became "A Reader."  My definition of being a reader:
A reader- always having a book that you are currently reading.
My pace has picked up to about 1 or 2 books per month.  I keep an on-going list of the books I've read (that dates all the way back to when I started in 2008.)  That list reminds me of a silly little list I kept in a billfold of boys that I kissed.  Sad but true.

There is something terrific about books.  They can be used for, an escape, education, entertainment, enrichment, pleasure, teaching, understanding and so much more. 

Anyway, I can get overwhelmed by the list of books that people recommend. Especially if you don't know what they use their reading material for.  I've found that one of my favorite things about reading happens when I come across the correct usage of idioms and such.  So, for now... the coast is clear!

POSITIVE

Often times I can get cynical.  You too?  Phew….. it's not fun to realize that is where I land.  At the end of the day, that's where and when it creeps in.

Cynicism- An attitude of scornful or jaded negativity, especially a general distrust of the integrity or professed motives of others

Because of this inclination that I have, I'm excited to post about what God is doing about this in my life…… How cool is it that our God is so personal, that HE knows this about me, so that when our pastor challenges us to come up with one word for our year, God puts within me the word: POSITIVE!  I'm not kidding….could there be an absolute better opposite word than Positive for the cynicism that I struggle with?

I do believe that our thoughts drive the boat of our lives.  We will do and believe what we think.  I would be shipwrecked if I continued on with the negative thoughts driving the boat of my life for our family.

Did you notice at the beginning of this post, I wrote "at the end of the day?"  Well, I know that's because I begin each day in the word and reading the materials needed to equip myself for each day's battle.  But, my goodness, there must be an expiration hour on those readings that hit around 4:00 each day!!!  When my kiddos were little, I called it the sundown syndrome time of day…aka ,…. the witching hour.  But now, they are the intrusions to the victorious day I've had (while they've been at school!)

Seriously, I do feel like I live in victory during the daylight, but then the sun sets and I begin to feel the downward pull of negativity.  I'm not going to pretend that I understand the science nor the psychology of it.  I will  tell you that I'm in need of our savior at the end of the day JUST AS MUCH as I am at the beginning of the day.

Oh, how in the world does anyone make it in this world without HIM???  I may not do it well, but I will proclaim that I can't do any of it without HIM at all.  Without HIM, I truly am NOTHING.  It is my greatest joy just to be a vessel for others to see HIM in me.  To God be the glory for the great things HE does!!!

Do love.

What love actually does looks different in the many lives with our many make ups.  Love is seen in action.  I know this much is true.

Do you think that friendships are becoming more obsolete due to social media?  I think it's becoming harder for our love to do when we are forming habits of clicking a button with a thumb sticking up.

"Liking" a friends status masquerades what love can do when you look into the eyes of a friend and listen to what is going on in their lives.  I think what is actually happening when we scroll through our news feed is choosing what our preferred content is to digest.  In friendship, the listener isn't in control. They are residing in a sacrificial, loving posture of listening. Listeners are passengers.  By contrast, scrolling makes us the driver.

Conversations need to be taking place between friends.  Unscreened by caller i.d., unannounced at my house and not in a position of control or power via text.

My love is going to do friendship.  If you get a call from me or I show up, let's hang out and try it the old-fashioned way!

An impossible wish

All the fairy tales have this one restriction.  All stories tell it.  I can't make someone love you.

With this in mind, I feel deflated as a parent. I have two daughters where I would honestly use a potion if I could get my hands on some that would make them love each other.

It seems that no amount of discipline or training can teach it.  So, I want to quit.  It's just not in them.  I know, I know.... I should pray about it and for them.  So, I did.  And I did.  I got to lead the Mom's In Prayer group at my house last year for our elementary.  At the end of every school year, we use our last time of meeting together to Praise God for answered prayer.  I did see many answers to our prayers, but the one where my heart sank was the lack of love between these two.  Once again, deflated.

Our annual family camping trip is coming up and I simply don't want to be around those two.  What do you do with that?

I know.  I know.  Pray.

Lord, You know my heart and these deep crevices of pain and struggle watching the potential of a relationship that just won't form.  Would you come into their little hearts and do something BIG and special that would give them a bond that can only point to you?  I'm begging you to move.
I trust you with this endeavor!