But, it was the conversation by the pool with a dear friend (so close to me, she's more like family) of mine that impacted me the most! She expressed her excitement about us being a part of the Young Life family and then asked how I was doing. With tears in my eyes, I explained to her how much I struggle in this job of being an at-home Mom. I'm feeling unhappy and unfulfilled. I feel like I am full of resentment and bitterness.
Her words were simple: Do you call God: "LORD?" Well, of course I do! Then I have no right to myself. I am surrendered to His Lordship!!! This means, when I feel the yuck of the job, I discipline myself to say, "Yes, Lord!"
So, I'm home now and I always struggle with the re-entry back to life from my time away. And, I'm struggling. Can't I be back at the poolside crying about it and feeling charged to come home and fix it instead of actually "doing" it?
Lord, I know well that I cannot DO this job on my own. Help me to see you in the midst of it with me. Keep me from becoming so discouraged and so bitter towards what you have called me to do? I love you and thank you for Loving me.
8 comments:
My friends Mark and Tricia loved it too. Glad you had fun on the trip :)
Hey, I'm praying for you. I can relate. I updated my feed settings, so let me know if it works...next time I post that is...
Hi, Rachel,
I also updated my settings - I hope it works. I would like to subscribe to your blog,too. Can you tell me how to do that?
It sounds like your trip was very beneficial. I'm envious!
Sorry you are having a tough time. It is a very real battle field. Nancy Leigh DeMoss talked a little bit about this on her show today. It was very encouraging. If you get a chance, listen online. Maybe you'll find it helpful, too.
Oh Rach - I feel your struggle. It was so good to talk to you today and know that someone else gets it all in their head and yet struggles to translate it into real life in all of "those" moments. I sometimes feel so defeated and weak that I question His very presence in my life. How can it be so up and down when I feel like I've come so far... UGH I love to walk life with you and encourage each other to keep choosing complete dependence on Him. I love you
hey rachel! thanks so much for your comment about feeling "spent"! What you said really spoke to me. sometimes it is the right thing but maybe the wrong timing. i am still not sure about what to do next year, but i am leaning towards being at home. on fridays, my day off, when the boys get home i am so much more ready for them and i am actually looking forward to them coming home, so much less stress.
i totally get what you said about getting it in your head but struggling in the reality of the application. i have been there so many times! i am praying for you:)
As I read this post, I honestly found it commical. Not in how you feel. But rather, the statement, "the grass is always greener" comes to mind. Me, a single, 30 year old woman, seemingly staggering through life, trying to find my place in this world, when all I want to be is a wife and a mommy. And you... you have these things. I honestly mean no disrespect whatsoever, but for some reason this makes me smile. How interesting, that no matter the age, nor place in life, we all seem to be wanting more. I wonder, are we never satisfied because this world is not our home? Maybe I'm off my rocker?
Anyway, I do understand your pain. I pray you find meaning in the every day stuff. You, my friend, are making a difference. An eternal difference. Not only in your girls' lives, but also all those whom you come in contact with. Be encouraged!
Amen to this prayer, my friend.
I'm glad you had a great time in Orlando. And I am right there with you on the re-entry thing. There is just no way to ease back into it, is there?!
Just one question for you...Where do you think God is in the midst of your struggle?
Love you, Rachel!
~Karen
Thank you for honestly sharing your heart. I too struggled with motherhood...still do...just not near as much. I feel like it is one of the things He has given to keep me close to Him...I KNOW I can not do it on my own. I am praying for you to experience His grace on a deeper level as you rely on Him to love your kids thru you! I am praying for you...literally :)
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