Running debrief...

On my run yesterday I actually retained enough that I simply have to regurgitate some of it here.

"We care more about our comfort than our character" - Francis Chan

When using the word steadfast or endure, the definition requires the weight to hold to be steadfast or to endure in the strength. You are not enduring when it is removed. So when building endurance, you have to have the thing there that you have to endure. The discomfort. So many people want a comfortable pain-free life. Character isn't developed without struggle. So, I would want to choose the uncomfortable, painful things that make me stronger and better FOR God's glory. Grow me. Change me. Don't take it away and make it all better, because then I'm deprived of the opportunity to become who God wants me to become.

I actually prayed the strongest prayer I think I've ever prayed when listening to Francis' sermon yesterday. I'm posting it here to chronicle it. I said, "Whatever it takes!" I don't even want to type out the things I offered to God, but they were about as open handed as one could get. Then this morning, I got a little scared. Is this the last time I'll see my daughter? Are things so amazing with my husband right now, because this is the end? Regardless, my hand has no grip on anything in my life and I freely offer it all to God. As I write this, I realize He has always had the power to take and I just handed an invisible baton of control.

"Things are caught, not taught" -familiar quote requoted by Francis Chan

The best parenting advice EVER: Work on yourself first. If you are self-controlled and equipped in God's armor and filled with the Spirit and so on and so forth, your children will see and learn so much more than when you are throwing commands while suffering in your own internal battle.

For me, personally this translated into getting up in the mornings before my children. Around my house, I am blessed to have a husband that delights in doing the morning routine. This allows me to just sleep right through it all!!!! I LOVE sleep!!! But, for me, I felt like I was actually sinning by sleeping in every single morning. I was flirting with the depression that I am tempted by each day. During those morning hours I struggle with facing what my role is. Well, starting this morning, I set the alarm and obediently got out of bed to work on myself first! So far so good! I'm excited and challenged!

Wrongly Delegated

I hear from my daughter's mouth, "I don't want to make you mad!" When did I give her the power of my moods? The power to hold a key to any of my emotions? She is too young. She shouldn't have to feel the weight of responsibility of my happiness. This is something that is difficult to undo.

Lord, give me wisdom in this endeavor!

Gift

As I have been pounding the pavement, I've had so many podcasts going in that I don't know where to begin in everything that is coming out of me. This is transformation. I have one to two sermons every day or every other day playing in my earbuds as I've been pacing myself through the sidewalks of Edmond this Fall. It has been an overwhelming thing to take so much in. I find myself talking out loud in agreement with the pastors that ask application questions. Sometimes it is in agreement that I am so there with them living a certain way and making certain choices or sacrifices. Other times, it is sadly a discouraging confession of where I am falling short of the calling.
There is one question that is standing out to me from the dozens I've been pondering.

Am I using the gifts that God gave me?
And am I using them for His glory?

I can tell you that today God showed me a way that I can use one of my talents for His glory. A few weeks ago, my friend's two year old son died from drowning in a swimming pool. I have been praying Romans 15:13 (NLT) for every member in her family every time I think of them. I know that praying is good. But at times like these, people always want to "do" something more. The Holy Spirit very clearly told me how I can minister to the entire family. I am to make a scrapbook of his life as a gift for them. So, over these next few days, the family will be getting pictures printed and stories written for me to put in a book. I feel so honored to get to do this for this family!

With the feeling of being used by God comes fulfillment. There truly is nothing as fulfilling as living in a God-honoring way. Oh, how this has sparked a desire to find this kind of fulfillment in everything I do.

God, may I do everything as unto YOU! Help use me as I create for this family. Continue to hold this family strongly in your grip and cradle them with the Hope that is in You Alone!

18 miles

When I read my "Runner's World" magazine or read a runner's blog I consider myself a beginner because I haven't run a marathon. Why is everything based on the scale of whether or not you have run a marathon? Maybe it's not. But, I perceive it that way. And because I perceive it that way, I'm shooting to run a marathon. I just read a friend's post on why she ran a marathon. Her intentions where so good. You can read about it here. It's rather inspiring. I can only wish that my reasons for training and running a marathon were in line with hers, but I'm still trying to figure out why I'm aiming thataway!!!
When I began my running journey in May of this year I didn't have any goals. I just wanted to run. Quickly, I realized I needed to see how far I could push myself. I still am trying to figure out what it is exactly that is driving me. I can tell you that each milestone brings such joy to me that maybe I'm just running for joy.
Well, to the title of this post...
My inspirational running buddy told me that before I even register for a full marathon, I needed to just run 18 miles to see if I felt okay. Well, I did that yesterday!!!! It's official that I can NOW register for the one I want to do. I watched her cross the finish line and only hoped that I could do it next year. Now, I'm shooting for that goal. So, I am going to register for the OKC Memorial Marathon for April 2010!!!!



On my 18 miler yesterday, I thoroughly enjoyed that for right under 3 hours, my body could maintain such a rhythm. I listened to two podcasts and a new playlist. The Fall weather was perfect! I am excited about this running, joyous journey!!!!
I still think someone should pay me for running a marathon instead of me paying $90.00 to run 26.2 miles. What's up with that? Maybe I could take up a collection ;)