BEFORE THE PURCHASE:
In an effort to chase the feeling of joy, I went on-line to purchase a Hummingbird feeder. I love hummingbirds. I have since I was a Junior in High School. I remember doing an assignment on them that made me take such great delight in them. So, I thought if I could just have the feeder outside my window that I so often stare out of with tears in my eyes, I would replace my sad emotions with delightful ones. I had the feeder in my cart and was ready to complete my purchase when I realized that I was actually on-line trying to buy my happiness. I wanted to buy something that brought me joy. I deleted the item and closed my browser.
Sometimes I wonder why it is that I am so sad. I have many blessings and feel guilty for feeling sad. Then I realize that I'm really looking to have a better relationship with my children. I desire to enjoy being a mother. I long to not feel guilty and miserable about this job ALL the time.
AFTER THE PURCHASE:
As I sit here this morning, I look out my window and I smile so big just from watching Meg and Kenna jump on the trampoline. This is a long-desired smile. I have wanted to have the natural instinct to smile when observing my children. For so long, there have been negative feelings associated with their behavior and failure on my part to discipline such habits they were practicing.
So, in my effort to have a joy filled feeling, I bought the hummingbird feeder and watched with delight as the little creatures swarmed around while drinking sugar water. Now, my two little girls jump and play and bring me more joy than the birds. I watch Megan double-bounce Kenna and send her sailing. I watch them bend over in an attempt to drink the morning dew off the surface of the trampoline. Such childlike behavior has made my heart happy this morning!
Now, with the bubbles they are playing with, I could play this in slow motion and add music and I’d have myself a picture perfect memory!