Thursday, December 27, 2007

"I'm back in the struggle again"

Sung to the tune of: "I'm back in the saddle again." I keep singing "I'm back in the struggle again." I was freed somewhat from the struggle I've been having in motherhood. Then Christmas hit! I guess it's the aftermath of Christmas. Actually, I don't know what IT is. But, since it's back, I now have to do yet another assessment. Why am I struggling again? Remember on this post how I finally got it because of the book that I read? Well, I don't have short term memory loss. I remember why I'm struggling. It's to refine me. It's to produce within me endurance. But, I can't get out of the miserable ache that creeps up when chaos hits.

What do some of you all do when chaos sets you off?

6 comments:

Emily said...

hey girl! I am sitting here trying to figure out what I do in those times (like every day it seems!)I don't know...I know a lot of the time I shout out "Jesus! I need you Lord, please help me!" I do it out of compultion and desperation, it's funny though because I wonder if at least my kids will know who i turn too! Those times are tough because it seems to often snowball after it starts and I feel like a negative energy ball all caught up in the kids emotions! It feels so unfair sometimes!
One thing I am trying sort of on the offense, is I made a confession list out of Prov. 31 and some verses in Eph. and I hung it on my fridge and I pick it up several times a day and read it out loud. One of my statements is "my children bless me" or "My children rise up and call me blessed" I believe God is using this to help me, but I just started so...
Anyways, love you sister! Just know, you are not alone!

Chelle said...

Write, scream, workout, pray, and talk to folks much wiser than myself. That's what I do. Will say some prayers for you! :)

shanna said...

Your girls are about my boys' ages. These are challenging ages. I struggled from about the time my first son turned 2 until a year or so ago. I still struggle but not consistently...the struggle amongst the chaos is now an exception. I tried to embrace the chaos...in fact I like to call it joyful chaos. I had to let a lot of things go...well, more like I let God pry things from my hands. The standard of perfection for my house is one. I also became more consistent in discipline...instead of letting them get away with so much. I started asking Him to help my main focus to be to really engage with them. I homeschool so I am with all of them all the time...but I could still be in the same house and distract myself from them...even if by my own thoughts...I could be playing with them yet my mind could be elsewhere. Once I started pursuing a deeper relationship with them I was able to view the chaos in a different light. Of course you know all the spiritual answers...I think part of it was choosing to put them first and view them as my primary ministry...and knowing that loving them in action and in truth was worship that was pleasing to the Lord. I am still in the process of learning to love them more and more deeply...really engage...not slack on the discipline (this is love too) and take delight in them the way God does in us as His children. And of course lots of mentorship from women like Cheryl Lange :) Praying for you sweet friend!!!

StaceyStace said...

Hi, Rachel,

I usually call Mark and vent all about how I should not have to remind these kids of the things that I have been teaching for quite a while and how angry it makes me when they do such and such and how I don't know how I'm supposed to do this thing and how I thought I would have figured some things out by now....

Then he asks just why I think I should not be reminding these little ones of things, after all I'm the mom and they are not grown yet and it will all be worth it and he sees growth and progress....

Then I go sobbing to the Lord and begging Him for His forgiveness and help --then usually I go ask forgiveness from my kiddos because by that time I have usually sinned against them by screaming at them or something....

then we start all over again in this little crazy cycle!!!

Hang in there, my friend! You love your children and you love the Lord and He will give you all the strength you need directly in the moments you need them. And you are so right, that God uses our children as sanctifying tools in our lives! It is my guess that you are doing more right than you can realize.

By the way, I was in Oklahoma this past week - traveling through...it felt a little cold to this southern girl - I am such a wimp!

Irritable Mother said...

For you, O God, tested us. You refined us like silver. Psalm 66:10
Please don't get down on yourself for struggling, Rachel. Keep your eyes fixed upon Him and He will keep holding you!
I've more to say, but too much for a comment. I will email you soon!

Erica Lynn said...

It's nice meeting you too. When I start to feel that way I read. I read the bible or a fiction book I love. They seem to encourage me. Have you read The Redemption series by Karen Kingsbury? It is awesome and very encouraging. I find that reading takes my mind off of the craziness and to a place that is encouraging. Finally and most importantly I pray that I won't let my emmotions rule my actions and reactions. Because let me tell you I am a VERY emmotional person and tend let my emmotions rule my life. I have to pray daily that that doesn't happen. I hope this helped. I look forward to reading more of your posts.