I believe that this recent transformation and the praise I've given is in and of itself a "blessing." I was calling myself blessed and I spoke it loud and clear what God was doing in my heart. And then......drum roll........
hours after posting that last Praise I got the biggest blessing (or gift) straight from God.
Let me preface so that I don't sound too cold-hearted here. For the last five years, I have been counting down until Fall 2010. I knew that was when I would have all three girls in all day school. As a struggling mother of pre-schoolers, this literally has been the light at the end of my tunnel. My mom has always told me that I'd be a great, fun Mom to "school-aged" kids. That work and involvement is more natural to me than the toddler and baby stage!
Well, the City of Edmond made the decision to go to all day Kindergarten but the change was a slow moving snail. It wasn't going to happen before my last was out of Kindergarten. So, there sat the Fall 2010 date. She'd be in 1st grade and I could make it to that date!!!! To my surprise three schools in Edmond are going to ALL day Kindergarten THIS FALL.... yeah, 2009!!!! Our school is one of them and had we not down-sized our house and moved to go into ministry we wouldn't be in the school that was one of the three chosen!!!! How good and perfect is God?!!! He knew what He was orchestrated over two years ago!
A pastor spoke on God's glory yesterday. Without sounding trite, I believe that God wanted to bless me for my obedience. I believe that I saw a small glimpse of His glory in putting together all the pieces! I felt blessed just from listening and obeying Him. Now I feel giddy from this blessing. This news is equivalent to a husband surprising his wife with the one thing she loves the most. I have held this stage of my life as something to make it to and God just moved that particular finish line up a whole year!
Disclaimer: I do NOT expect for my life with my girls to all of the sudden get easy or anything like that. I am just thrilled to have some time where I can possibly go to scrub tech school or get a job to help our family (being in the ministry and all) or any number of things. This is a spiritual stroke that the Lord has given me that I am so excited about!!!!
(I just re-read this and have no idea if I've communicated this accurately, but I've had WAY too many distractions in trying to write this. I'm just posting....)
Monday, May 18, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Divine Invasion
Seriously!!!! I remember writing a post back in Jan of 2007 where God delivered me from depression. It was a life changing moment. It was one where I remember what He did and I have been in a place hoping for Him to do something like that again in my life. I have wanted to be delivered from this unhappiness or unfulfilled place in life. He HAS DONE IT AGAIN!!!!
My Extreme Heart Makeover was an act of obedience. Scripture clearly portrays that God responds to obedience with blessing. I am pronounced blessed when God is present and involved in my life. Sometimes the circumstances of our suffering may not change, but the circumstances of our hearts are changed in the midst of them through a keen sense of God's presence and a lively perception of His activity. The result of this DIVINE INVASION is that the life operates overall at optimum earth-satisfaction, joy, and purpose and without the crushing burdens of self-glory and sin. In other words, my life actually works!!!! (the bold text is paraphrased stuff that was in my Beth Moore study this morning that applied so perfectly to where I am.... paraphrased because I plugged it in to this miracle that God has done!!!)
I posted that last post about needing to have my heart blown to smithereens and I copied it in an email to a handful of praying friends. Immediately I felt carried! God's PEACE instantly came over me and began to RULE in my heart and in my house. The renovations are coming along miraculously!!! Like I wrote above that the circumstances haven't changed, but my heart has and that has made ALL the difference :)
Thank you for praying and please continue to as He brings me to mind. I am so excited to share some of the practical changes that have been made with all my new INTENTIONS!!!!
My Extreme Heart Makeover was an act of obedience. Scripture clearly portrays that God responds to obedience with blessing. I am pronounced blessed when God is present and involved in my life. Sometimes the circumstances of our suffering may not change, but the circumstances of our hearts are changed in the midst of them through a keen sense of God's presence and a lively perception of His activity. The result of this DIVINE INVASION is that the life operates overall at optimum earth-satisfaction, joy, and purpose and without the crushing burdens of self-glory and sin. In other words, my life actually works!!!! (the bold text is paraphrased stuff that was in my Beth Moore study this morning that applied so perfectly to where I am.... paraphrased because I plugged it in to this miracle that God has done!!!)
I posted that last post about needing to have my heart blown to smithereens and I copied it in an email to a handful of praying friends. Immediately I felt carried! God's PEACE instantly came over me and began to RULE in my heart and in my house. The renovations are coming along miraculously!!! Like I wrote above that the circumstances haven't changed, but my heart has and that has made ALL the difference :)
Thank you for praying and please continue to as He brings me to mind. I am so excited to share some of the practical changes that have been made with all my new INTENTIONS!!!!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Extreme Heart Makeover
I have been in need of an Extreme Heart Makeover. Much like the seeds of God's word being consumed rather than sown in my life, I have been stuck in a rut of survival. I have mentioned this word a LOT in the last five years. I have been struggling to merely survive each day and each set of struggles that I am in. I actually feel rather proud of myself for surviving some of what I've survived.
But, I'm ready for my heart to be blown to smithereens so that I can re-build with a new strategy. With prayer, I'm tackling this mental picture. So far two words are going up as new rooms in my heart. They are:
INTENTIONAL
INVESTING
I have not been intentional with my girls.....using every day life experience to teach and grow in a relationship with them. I have found that I have still been operating as a Mother of Pre-schoolers. Ya know, wipe the bottom, change the diaper, put the bib on, shake the bottle, pack the diaper bag, bring a snack, buckle the seat belt mode! While I'm no longer doing those things, I haven't switched gears and grown with them. They are getting so much more independent but instead of staying involved with intention of building a wonderful Mother-Daughter relationship, I've pulled away and become the lifeguard or referee. Like a monitor, I am in the same home as them but doing my own thing and only jumping in to explosively break up a fight and pull tight on the reigns. Operating like this has driven me to the unfulfillment that I have sensed as a Mother. Renovations are beginning today! You can prayerfully invest on this one with me :)
Speaking of INVESTing. This word feels like a synonym to the idea of being intentional. They are NOT in fact synonyms but I just want to invest in the relationships with my daughters by being intentional. So, there is the plan on the makeover on my heart. The tricky thing: Nick left town today for 8 DAYS!!!! Uuugh, am I really going to tackle such a project at a time like this? Scary. I want to just jump into survival mode and then do it. But, I believe that God has put these things in my heart and therefore, I will obey!!!
Thanks for reading!
But, I'm ready for my heart to be blown to smithereens so that I can re-build with a new strategy. With prayer, I'm tackling this mental picture. So far two words are going up as new rooms in my heart. They are:
INTENTIONAL
INVESTING
I have not been intentional with my girls.....using every day life experience to teach and grow in a relationship with them. I have found that I have still been operating as a Mother of Pre-schoolers. Ya know, wipe the bottom, change the diaper, put the bib on, shake the bottle, pack the diaper bag, bring a snack, buckle the seat belt mode! While I'm no longer doing those things, I haven't switched gears and grown with them. They are getting so much more independent but instead of staying involved with intention of building a wonderful Mother-Daughter relationship, I've pulled away and become the lifeguard or referee. Like a monitor, I am in the same home as them but doing my own thing and only jumping in to explosively break up a fight and pull tight on the reigns. Operating like this has driven me to the unfulfillment that I have sensed as a Mother. Renovations are beginning today! You can prayerfully invest on this one with me :)
Speaking of INVESTing. This word feels like a synonym to the idea of being intentional. They are NOT in fact synonyms but I just want to invest in the relationships with my daughters by being intentional. So, there is the plan on the makeover on my heart. The tricky thing: Nick left town today for 8 DAYS!!!! Uuugh, am I really going to tackle such a project at a time like this? Scary. I want to just jump into survival mode and then do it. But, I believe that God has put these things in my heart and therefore, I will obey!!!
Thanks for reading!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Seed
"Some just eat the seed and never sow it for a harvest." This is taken from the Beth Moore "Stepping Up" study I am doing on my own.
"Sometimes we don't even realize the difference. We'll think we accepted the teaching (the seed, the word of God) because we were so moved by it. But you see, the seed of God's Word can fill our stomachs and give us immediate satisfaction and still not produce a harvest -- that's when we eat it but don't sow it." (taken without permission from Beth Moore's study mainly because I don't really know how to go about getting such permission and I didn't want to murder it by re-wording it. So, all credit to her and her wonderful study!!!)
But, I'm really chewing on this today. I have written before how we can hear hundreds of sermons and basically remain unchanged. I understand this now because of the visual of what we are doing with that seed.... that word of the LORD!!! I so want to plant it in good soil and nurture it so that it can produce a harvest. My harvest would look like the fruits of the spirit fleshed out in my day to day struggle. Instead, I feel like I have all this information sitting in my stomach wondering why it's not working!
"Sometimes we don't even realize the difference. We'll think we accepted the teaching (the seed, the word of God) because we were so moved by it. But you see, the seed of God's Word can fill our stomachs and give us immediate satisfaction and still not produce a harvest -- that's when we eat it but don't sow it." (taken without permission from Beth Moore's study mainly because I don't really know how to go about getting such permission and I didn't want to murder it by re-wording it. So, all credit to her and her wonderful study!!!)
But, I'm really chewing on this today. I have written before how we can hear hundreds of sermons and basically remain unchanged. I understand this now because of the visual of what we are doing with that seed.... that word of the LORD!!! I so want to plant it in good soil and nurture it so that it can produce a harvest. My harvest would look like the fruits of the spirit fleshed out in my day to day struggle. Instead, I feel like I have all this information sitting in my stomach wondering why it's not working!
God, I absolutely want to sow your word into a productive harvest that will set me free. I don't want to eat the seed in an instant, impulsive gratifying fix. I want to patiently endure as Your Promises take root in my life! Amen
Sunday, May 3, 2009
"River to Skate Away On...
...It's coming upon (whatever occasion)" as I hear the words of Joni Mitchell's song.... except I hear the voices of Indigo Girls. As I was riding home with my family from church I wished I had a horse I could ride away on. There is something terrible that happens within me when I'm in the car with my family. I truly can't explain it. I have zero tolerance and patience. I just sit there like an angry cobra swelling up before an attack (thus the reason for the picture.) 
We could be out having a pleasant experience, but the moment we get into the car..... UUUuuugh.... It ALL goes to pots for me 99% of the time. So, what is wrong with me? Is it just me or does everyone have ONE struggle place? The van with my entire family is a definite battle ground for me. Especially to and from church which I KNOW we all have such attack stories about that alone that we could share. I just am ready to be more pleasant for my children's and husband's sake. Bless their hearts for having to ride in a car with a snake that could attack at any second.
We could be out having a pleasant experience, but the moment we get into the car..... UUUuuugh.... It ALL goes to pots for me 99% of the time. So, what is wrong with me? Is it just me or does everyone have ONE struggle place? The van with my entire family is a definite battle ground for me. Especially to and from church which I KNOW we all have such attack stories about that alone that we could share. I just am ready to be more pleasant for my children's and husband's sake. Bless their hearts for having to ride in a car with a snake that could attack at any second.
Lord, help me to remain self-controlled in this particular battlefield. I desire for that van to be a place of PEACE for our family! I know you are powerful enough to change the tone in that place. I beg of you to move in me during our times spent together in the car!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Call this my midlife crisis, but AGE has certainly crept up on me. All of the sudden, like in the last couple of months, I'm OLD. The gradual recognition has been there.....
being finished having children
15 year reunion
going to weddings and baby showers of people I used to BABYSIT!!!!
It wasn't until I walked into a room for a couple's wedding shower that I realized I was not one of the young girls that was a part of the wedding party. No, sadly, I wasn't one of the young marrieds that had just had a baby for everyone to gawk over either. I was over in the crowd with the parents of the one's getting married. I'm old.
I'm actually doing talk of, "I used to be able to eat like that!" or "I didn't ever have to exercise!" But, it's like that day just flew past me and here I am thinking about life.... all of it. (however long it is for each of us.) My hands are getting wrinkled and one day they'll be baby soft like they were when they were chubby and learning how to grab.
I've needed a bit of perspective. The Bible tells us that our life is but a vapor! Think of all eternity! Spending not the rest of our lives with Jesus, but ALL eternity..... the rest of our lives is still in the vapor that vanishes so quickly!!! So, about that dash which represents our time between life and death.....how do we spend it? How do we choose to live our days? I want to do it with my eyes fixed on Jesus and eternity and worshipping the ONE who sits on the throne. He sits there now! While we plug away and wash the dishes, the clothes, the house. While we watch our children grow, He is there reigning!!! He is above all Kings and Kingdoms.
I think of the movie "Click" often. There are so many times I've just wanted to fast forward my way through certain seasons of life. I never really want to pause, stop or rewind. It's like I have this drive to make it to the end. I believe that spiritually, I am driven to run the race with endurance and perseverance and make it. But, I am often so focused on the end that I am missing so much of my now. May I learn to relish in the NOW! Wrinkles and Acceptance and ALL :)
being finished having children
15 year reunion
going to weddings and baby showers of people I used to BABYSIT!!!!
It wasn't until I walked into a room for a couple's wedding shower that I realized I was not one of the young girls that was a part of the wedding party. No, sadly, I wasn't one of the young marrieds that had just had a baby for everyone to gawk over either. I was over in the crowd with the parents of the one's getting married. I'm old.
I'm actually doing talk of, "I used to be able to eat like that!" or "I didn't ever have to exercise!" But, it's like that day just flew past me and here I am thinking about life.... all of it. (however long it is for each of us.) My hands are getting wrinkled and one day they'll be baby soft like they were when they were chubby and learning how to grab.
I've needed a bit of perspective. The Bible tells us that our life is but a vapor! Think of all eternity! Spending not the rest of our lives with Jesus, but ALL eternity..... the rest of our lives is still in the vapor that vanishes so quickly!!! So, about that dash which represents our time between life and death.....how do we spend it? How do we choose to live our days? I want to do it with my eyes fixed on Jesus and eternity and worshipping the ONE who sits on the throne. He sits there now! While we plug away and wash the dishes, the clothes, the house. While we watch our children grow, He is there reigning!!! He is above all Kings and Kingdoms.
I think of the movie "Click" often. There are so many times I've just wanted to fast forward my way through certain seasons of life. I never really want to pause, stop or rewind. It's like I have this drive to make it to the end. I believe that spiritually, I am driven to run the race with endurance and perseverance and make it. But, I am often so focused on the end that I am missing so much of my now. May I learn to relish in the NOW! Wrinkles and Acceptance and ALL :)
Thursday, April 23, 2009
No Wonder
I've heard it once said that it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. No wonder I am so tired every day. I sure do frown a LOT. I am trying to smile more. I want my children to see a smiling mother. Not one with a frown on her face throughout the day a glass of wine in her hand at the end of each day. If I am in fact using more energy to frown, then I need to be using more of the Spirit's Power within me to smile.
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