Riding my Trial

Today, I finished the Grace study I've referred to a few times on here. I sat in the class where ladies shared what they learned and are applying from the 10 week study. Defeat began to come over me as I realized that once again, I poured myself into a study and I'm walking out the other side of it unchanged. So badly I wanted to stand up with a transformation testimony. Something like:
"I came here not knowing how grace could be appropriated in a day to day life. I learned it as we searched the scripture. And since then, I have applied it. Now that grace has been activated in my life I am experiencing victory!"

Well, this is not me. I see it and understand it a bit more but have no difference in how my life looks. I know most of it is in my head and just deciding to do it, but really I must be stubborn or lazy but I don't want to do anything.

Pretend for a moment that I didn't like roller coaster rides. (in fact, I do and that is one of the many reasons I am "ridermeyergirl") But, IF I didn't and I knew clearly that God was calling me to get on that ride (or for analogy sake: hop into that trial.) In obedience I get on. BUT, I grit my teeth, close my eyes and grab with a death grip and decide to do just that until the ride is over. Would you say kudos for even getting on? Yay for obeying? Well, I am sure that I missed ALL that roller coaster rides are intended for.


In my life, I have said that I would obey God by "doing" what He has called. But, I am gritting my teeth and holding on in a survival mode. My eyes are closed most of the time. I'm sure that I could have an exhilarating time full of adrenaline and love and excitement if I would but let go of something that is so hard for me.

In humility and weakness, I surrender that grip that is holding me back from being filled with joy right where I am. Here we go.... even if it is one finger at a time and one eye open for the first part. I desperately want applied obedience from my study! Lord, give me all that I need to glorify you in this transition!!!

Happy Easter!

From the Meyer family to yours. He is RISEN!!!!!

Gifts and Grace

I have always loved the analogy that the Word uses to describe the believers as members of ONE Body!!! It just makes such great sense to me. Because of the picture, I truly get how our giftedness is used in the Body of Christ.
I am Rachel. I need my liver, my brain, my pinky toe, my heart, my eyes, etc... They all work to do different things but for the benefit and purpose of Rachel.
Believers (Jesus followers) all work for the purpose of glorying and serving God. One may be evangelistical... bringing the gospel to people who have not heard. Some may rock babies during a church service so that the parents can worship and grow. You know that the list could go on.... So, to my new revelation:

I've been in a Bible Study on GRACE. As you read the scriptures that talk about our Spiritual Gifts you find that each gift is given by grace. The amount of grace that is given FOR each gift is appropriate to each gift given. Sooo..... to apply GRACE to the already wonderful analogy of the body of Christ.....Picture Grace as the blood flow!!! If I am the pinky toe in the body of Christ, then I don't NEED as much blood flow as say the Heart. The amount of blood given to each part is the perfect amount.

God gives us the perfect amount of grace to exercise our spiritual gifts. Do you know what your spiritual gift is? I just took a test to re-discover mine (it had been a few years.) You can take it here. Share your gift with me and tell me if you have always had enough grace to practice that gift!!!!

Bad Mood

No kidding. I took my girls to the dentist for a check up today and just came home in a plain, flat-out bad mood. They aren't brushing correctly. They don't floss. They need fluoride treatments because their teeth are on "watch." One has a cavity and sealant needs. It just made me in a bad mood. I came home and opened an email from my brother with this link. I'm not in a bad mood anymore. It was perfectly timed and perfectly hilarious to me!!!!

I'm a NINE with a ONE wing

I've been reading a book called "The ENNEAGRAM A Christian Perspective" by Richard Rohr. As I've been reading about the nine types of the Enneagram I was afraid to discover things about myself because I didn't want to have a label and then use it as a crutch. And, essentially it is what I have done. I read about the unhealthy NINE and it sounds like me exactly. Then, I read about the healthy NINE and I feel nowhere close to what they describe. Thankfully the Christian perspective directs each individual to how God can use this "wiring" within us to make us better. (Which I know really happens by dying to self!)

So, I'm putting it out there that in my journey of discovering a bit more about myself, I've been saddened. I am finally going to read specifically about the other types so I can know and understand those around me a bit better. But for those of you who don't know me IRL (in real life) and just through this blog, you'll see how some of my stuff written makes sense because of who I am. Check this out:

"The defense mechanism of NINEs is narcosis, or numbing. Because they often don't feel adequate to the many strains and challenges of life, they take refuge more than other types do in some sort of addiction. They have a hard time getting going... and seek stimulants and strong sensations from outside."
"The root sin of NINEs is laziness."
"The pitfall of NINEs is lethargy and comfort."

The ONE wing side is my organizational, anal retentive, ocd, clean-freak, perfectionists side.

It's just interesting. I need to get out of this title becasuse it feels more like a diagnosis. Right now I'm going to leave this with the tone of:

"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you."

Psalm 139:13-18

Undo

Can a person study their whole lives and learn the "how to's" but never actually know "how to" actually apply it? Countless Bible Studies I've done. Thousands of sermon notes I've taken. What good has any of it done if in one INSTANT I'm so capable of losing it? That kind of action, or better word: REACTION shows no sign of a trained student of the Word. If in one moment you can UNDO what you've spent so much time trying to DO in the first place then isn't something really wrong?

This concept of undoing something or screwing up something can be applied to anything --- Art, Baking, Sewing, A 10 hour road trip, a Marriage, a game, a journal, a LIFE!
From something as small as a canvas. Say I spend hours with tiny, perfect precise pen strokes creating something pleasing to the eye..... a creation no doubt made with time and hard work. Then, I got tired or angry and took a broad-tip sharpie right across the entire picture. In an instant of laziness or anger or any number of things really, the hours of hard work prior to the split second of rage or whatever-ness, it truly was ruined.
Or to something as large as a marriage that had years of prayer, counseling, hard talks, good choices, etc... to come crumbling because of deciding in one instant to be done. This could be played out any number of ways (of which I won't even list.)
Or there's something in the middle like a road trip. Let's say you are in the van for 10 hours with your family. You work really hard for 9 hours and 55 minutes. You speak kindly. You serve. You sacrifice. You are creative and play games and make it fun. Got the picture? In the last 5 minutes, something triggers your anger and frustration and you drop the "F" bomb within ear shot of your children. What's remembered from that road trip 10 years later?

It just seems way too easy to UNDO everything you work so hard towards. For years I've taken notes and done the studies - but what good are all those pages of time spent writing all that stuff if your efforts are squashed the moment you do whatever action you do that destroys your work?

Why follow a recipe and put all those ingredients in if you can waste and ruin them all when the rat poison spills in causing you to have to throw it all away?

DISCLAIMER!!!!!! None of these events actually happened. I have just thought them up as I realized how quickly something could be ruined. All of this was brewing in my head on a 10 hour road trip :)

Bribe or Reward... Motive?

"I'll give you a piece of gum IF you clean your room while I'm getting ready!"

Did I really just say that this morning? This was like 5 minutes after rewarding them with a jelly bean for playing so well together. Can those two rewards be any more different? I mean, one of them is this bribe.... the expected, the target, the end result, the motive. The other is a complete surprise and I would dare to say even more appreciated.

As I turned my head upside down to dry my hair my thoughts twisted the scenario around. How much am I like a child seeking a reward or working for the bribe. While I may not be sold on gum or jelly beans, there are definite things I go after. They just look different.

Today I contemplate what is driving me to do well. To be good. To make the right choice. I'm full of a sin nature that only wants to gratify itself. I also am indwelt with the HOLY Spirit of God that prompts, convicts, teaches, urges and so much more. So, it is good to pay attention to what is driving and motivating me. That will pinpoint which I am serving. So, as I even think a thought, I will see where the root of my thought began. Am I looking out for me as #1 or am I putting to death me SO THAT there is room in my moment by moment for God to do His thing?

The reason for thinking all of this today? I'm back at it. Our plane landed last night and I came home to routine. Funny (and sad) to see how long it takes me to fall into frustration. On vacation, self gets the best of you. It's not that I wasn't serving Christ while away, I just have three little reminders that walk around my house practically pointing at my selfishness.

Thank you, Lord for your gentle reminders of what you use to grow me! You, CREATOR of the UNIVERSE care about my growth and I feel so humbled that YOU know me so intimately. Help me to nail anything that is sprouting up within me that has taken root in the wrong nature. <><