Diagnosis

For quite some time, I've suffered with lower back pain.  I've tried chiropractors, medication, and Pilates.  I've had x.rays and massages.  It was only getting worse.  So, I finally went to an orthopedic doctor who picked up on the fact that it might have been OB related.  I immediately made an appointment with my OB who examined me and did an ultrasound.  The suspicion was endometriosis.  

So last week, I went in for a laparoscopy and my doctor said that as soon as she put the scope in she was amazed at how much endometriosis there was.  I was covered.  She used a laser to remove as much as she could, but later told me that she couldn't set the temperature low enough to get it off of some major blood vessels without damaging them in the process.  A hysterectomy is in my future.

It feels very strange to me to diagnosed with something that is serious, but not life-threatening.  It's like it's a big deal, but it's not.

The thing that I can't stop praising my God for is the timing.  I keep thanking Him for allowing the endometriosis to not grow and implant until my late 30's when I've had my three daughters.  I remember early on discussing birth control with my husband, saying that I was scared to take it in my own hands and say I wanted to choose to have kids later in our marriage.  I even expressed to him my fear of "controlling" it and missing my window or messing my body up in the process leaving me unable to have children.
I know this disease is a huge blow to many women  because of it stripping them of the opportunity to bear children.  So, I accept this diagnosis with praises on my lips to a God who kept it at bay until this time.

Honeymoon

It's a time for celebration!!!! I am in the "honeymoon" stages of parenting. This stage of life with my kiddos is so enjoyable! This is the last year they are all three at the same school (elementary.) I have heard the warnings of what will come. Some have horror stories of the infamous teenage years. Some have some sweet stories. I just know that for today, I LOVE these girls of mine and the relationships I have with each of them.

Instead of fearing what is to come, I walk in a contented place today. I will pray that this continues as Nick and I prayed our honeymoon would never end.

After 12 1/2 years of marriage, our honeymoon really hasn't ended. Our life together is an extended honeymoon and now that I've arrived at this place with my children I am encouraged by the answered prayer with my husband that I can boldly ask God for this "honeymoon" stage of parenting to never end.

Father~
I thank you for bringing me to this place of total joy in parenting these girls You've entrusted to me. Thank you for the relationships built between us. Continue to give me wisdom and sustain me through the bumps! May this sweet stage be our way of life. May we walk in joy and contentment until the end of age!

Today's Assessment

After going this long without posting anything, I feel as if what I write now must be the biggest and best post ever after such a long silence.

Well, sorry to disappoint, but I'm just writing to write again.... Nothing HUGE. Nothing that will go viral.

I went to bible study this morning where we talked about Peter. Oh, how I'm growing to love Peter the more I study about him and his relationship with Jesus. I can identify with Peter in many ways. One thing that was mentioned this morning was that as believers, we must be able to recognize our rebellion. When we see our sin as sin and humbly repent, then right relationship with Jesus happens.

All too often, the external stuff (works), continue on even when our hearts are not in the right place. I began thinking about this blog. It's title is "A Heart Assessment" because I need to always be evaluating, assessing, scrutinizing, testing, watching, checking the condition of my heart.

What's crazy is after this time of studying the word together with other believers, I had a doctor's appointment, followed by lab work, followed by an ultrasound; which has left me reading things on the internet trying to scrutinize, diagnose, assess my physical pain.

When it comes to my back pain, I feel like that tiny ball in a pin ball machine being bounced around from doctor to doctor and left falling between the opening in the bottom without answers.


But, when it comes to assessing the condition of my heart..... guess what? I have solid answers from the word of God!

I end this post with the encouragement that God's word gives us when we take a look at our hearts in humble honesty.
Psalm 51:17 "You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God."

Thank you, Lord that your compassions are new every morning. That your faithfulness is Great! That you forgive sins. That no one is abandoned by your forever. That you can be trusted. That you offer Peace. And that you LOVE (Agapao) us. -Amen-

Random Thoughts on Authority

I know it has been WAY too long! I think up many "posts" in my mind if that counts for anything! It counts to me because I actually write for growth. So, If I'm still writing in my head, then hopefully I'm still growing through many life lessons.

One thought I've been pondering lately is authority.

Jesus had ultimate authority during his time here on earth. I've been doing a Precept Study on the book of Matthew and his many miracles show what He had/has authority over. (demons, disease, nature). But, as I've been thinking about the word, authority, I just can't help but hear the root word, author. As an author you can take a story wherever you want.... You are the author. If God is the author and perfecter of our life, then why do we even want the reigns?

I'm not the author. I'm not the potter. I am the clay to be molded and I am the character to be shaped BY HIM. He is the author and I give HIM total authority without pretending to have any of it myself.

*on an authority side note*

I hear one daughter trying to tell the other daughter what to do. When the listening daughter doesn't obey the command. Commanding daughter says...and I quote: "MOM!!! Tell ____ to ________!" So, without skipping a beat and practically in a monotone voice I repeat the phrase.

This got an internal giggle of my mind. I am always telling my children the rules to follow, the behavior to do and choices to make. But, if they don't obey me when I'm teaching, why would they think I have ANY authority to get one of their sisters to DO something they can't get them to do?

Doh!

"The anger of a parent confronted with a child's poor choice shifts the focus from the child's bad behavior to the parent's angry response." - You Version Parenting by Design Daily Devotional

I'm hearing the Homer Simpson response in my head....."DOH!"

This is my greatest struggle right now in my mother role. I've always been told that we are the "tone-setters" of the home and generally I'm good with that. I even feel like I am consistent in disciplining and not withholding consequences to their actions.... but, about my angry response to their poor choices? Fail. 100% fail. I'm just as immature as they are when it comes to the tantrum I have.

Oh, how I need help. Any suggestions would be great. Prayer would be best! Thanks... :)

Lord, How I need you in this area. I hate that my response to the kiddos making the wrong choice angers me. Please help me to shepherd them as you do me. Give me the ability to be self-controlled and patient with their mistakes. In your precious name, Amen

Cool Breeze Century!

This week I fly to CA to ride in the Cool Breeze Century from Ventura, CA through Santa Barbara! I'm so excited to be raising money once again for Young Life! I'm finding that anytime you mention California, people want to know specifically what part. Well, I found a description of our bike route and a map with elevation that I'll post here.




The Metric Century and Century routes follow the coast to Carpinteria, then turn inland through the scenic orchards and flower ranches of East Santa Barbara County. The Metric will loop back through Montecito and on home, while the Century hooks up with the very challenging Double-Metric Century riders who have ridden the Ventura River Bike Trail, into East Ojai and over Casitas Pass and connecting with the Century Route into Goleta.

During numerous Team YL training rides, I've heard it said that if we can ride 40 + miles in Oklahoma, surely we can ride 100 in CA. It's just been so hot here, I think we are in for an amazing day on the bike. I'll try to post pics after this weekend! If anyone wants to donate, just email me or leave me a comment! (ridermeyergirl@gmail.com)

Broken Record

I look at a mother of an infant and can easily remember what it felt like then. It's all about "the baby". A serious case of ESP (eating, sleeping and pooing) is all you live for in those first few months. Then, a personality develops. You live for the moments of connecting with giggles, first words and adorable moments that only someone that young can produce!

But, somewhere along this parenting journey, it shifts from "a baby" to a heart that needs shepherding. What a task! As I continually repeat the demands and the rules I feel like a broken record player....
yes, I had a record player back in my day, so I can refer to that as a valid analogy :)

Sometimes what is hard about the training of our children is how I "feel." I'll repeat the overstated rule or command and instantly think to myself, "Why do I even tell them this? They aren't going to "get it" until they are a parent." So, that feeling of "it-doesn't-do-any-good" takes over and then I am defeated.

I picture that young mother again and think how simple that was and how naive I was then. It is so incredibly difficult to parent well. Staying consistent and self-controlled are two challenges I face daily. I'm tempted with the lazy attitude of, "why teach 'em?" I mean, seriously. It makes me angry when they fail. It makes me exhausted because of the uphill battle that it feels like.

BUT YET, I am accountable and I have been called to train my children with the Word of God. And so, I do. I press on. I put my novel down and pick up the parenting books and I invest in the job I'm called to do today. For, it will be gone soon and I'll remember when.... :)

Father, I need you in ways I didn't know I'd need you when you gave me these daughters. I trust You completely! I thank you for them. Thank you for being on my team and being so Gracious. I couldn't imagine parenting without You and the Help and Strength that You are and that You freely provide. Thank you for Your Holy Spirit within me! Now, help my broken record to have your Grace Sound!
In Jesus' Name, Amen.