GRIN

I'm much better and God is good. more later

The Ugly Side

We all have them. Today my ugly side is all I see. It almost feels as if my internal hard-drive within my body has wires crossed. Things aren't connecting or making much sense. Emotions. are. out. of. control.
So, it's what to do when I feel like this?

Throw the towel in? Sleep? Take a pill? Get drunk? Read a book? Cry? Those are just a few options that cross my mind! So, this time, instead of doing any of those options, I thought I'd try writing. Vulnerably. I'm really always vulnerable on here, but I also use getting control of my emotions as about my only filter. I simply haven't been able to today, so I'm here.

I don't understand why little things are the big things to me during such times. I thought I'd have more time to write about this, but really, what more is there to say? Plus, it's time for me to attend our Saturday night church service. I don't "want" to go. I know I "should/need" to go, so therefore, I'm going.

Sorry such a strange post, but there ya have it!!!!

Twenty Ten

It's not going to take new resolutions to make our year look different. Nick got a new job. We knew that as the end of the year approached, so did our season with Young Life. I am sad about this. When we sold our house and downsized to a smaller one for the cause of going into ministry, I was ready for life. I was sold out. I was committed. And Young Life felt like family. When Nick first started the job, Young Life came out with a slogan that said, "You were made for this!" And he was.
We knew going into it that it was a job created for him to try. Try he did. Succeed he did. But, there simply were not enough funds to keep him on past that two year commitment. So, with all of that said... for the past few months after going to reduced pay and not knowing if there would be enough funds for him to stay with Young Life, he got a couple of other jobs. He was teaching a spin class at the Y!!! He was also working a few hours at Starbucks.
This is where the story gets to be pretty amazing.
God ordained it that a "Regular" there would notice him and end up pursuing him to come along his journey in starting a new company! I am not going to include all the details of that on here, but I will say that as I assessed my heart in the journey of trusting God with all that we have and our willingness to go where He wanted and do what He wanted, it's a beautiful and amazing thing for me to look back at how he orchestrated for these two guys to meet. I'm excited and nervous about this next year.
It will require more time away from family.... something I've NEVER liked or even handled all that well. But, I am excited to watch my husband grow in this new position!!!

Twenty Ten, 2010 or the most recent way I've seen our trendy generation call it: MMX was a year that I thought would look different.... flying automobiles at least. My different is not always the different it turns out to be! I'm wise, huh? Well, I do hope you all had a great turn of the New Year celebration. This year holds a couple big milestones for me. I will be doing my first half marathon at the end of this month and my first full in April. We'll see what other firsts I may have. While resolutions are for some of you, I pray that we all just simply grow in our relationship with God in leaps and bounds this year!

Plugged In

So, We have been in Colorado since December 18th. I packed and planned and of course in the hustle and bustle of it all, I forgot my power adaptor to my laptop. In my laptop bag, I had my (this is simply ridiculous, but) ipod shuffle, ipod video nano, a few earbuds, two power charges for our iphones and of course the usb ports to keep everything synched while we were away!
The analogy is simple. None of these things will work if the source is NOT charged. There is some battery life to be squeezed out for some time. It will perform but only temporary.

As Nick and I were packing I had the thought that I didn't need to pack my bible. I could just use his. This analogy grew within my head that we all individually need to plug in to our power source. As Christ follower's, this is done in the Word. I have grown to love and appreciate and need the Word in my life. I feel like a drained battery and worth nothing if I haven't drawn from it's power!

Here I sit at my sister's house (who is as Mac crazy as me and has plenty of power adapters for me to get some juice!) Yet another picture of this Christian life is lived. We have family/the body to offer aid when needed.

I'm so energized by Christ within. I'm fueled by His love. Are you plugging in each day? Oh, how blessed we are to have the Word so readily available to us to keep us charged throughout each day!!!

The Path

I went on a quick run this morning in preparation for departing for our all-too-familiar-road-trip to CO. We are actually taking the girls skiing for their first time this year! Usually, we drop them at the grandparents and hit the slopes ourselves. We are about to experience it in a whole new way....

Anyway, on my run, I began an old series that Matt Chandle,r from the Village Church did last year. It is titled: "The Path." At the end of part 1, he starts talking about how there are no guarantees that any of us will live to be 70 years old. He went on to say he was sure he would be doing someone's funeral at that church within the year. Then he stated that someone could be doing his. My point in bringing all of this up is that Matt "has it!" Do you know what I mean when I say that he "has it?" He understands God and many of His mysteries have been revealed to him through the Word of God!!! He has a malignant brain tumor that was not encapsulated. (you can read about it here!) This means that they couldn't get it all in surgery. But, see, years ago before there was any evidence of anything growing on or around his brain, he was preaching the Word of God as if any of us (including him) could have such a thing! The importance of "having it" is going to mark how we live our lives in the face of such a trial.

Please watch THIS VIDEO from him two days before the surgery where they began to discover more about this tumor! He is in the face of an ugly trial and yet he stands firm on a platform for God's goodness and His glory to be revealed.

Video from Matt

This excites me so much that I too hope that I would consider such a diagnosis an honor to display God's character to those that need to see it! Do you "have it?" The mystery can be revealed. I so get that in the face of a trial you can still call God good! I get that He doesn't change when our circumstances do. May I live like I get it!!!! As I pray for Matt to have God's peace and for his family, will you join me that God would be glorified no matter the outcome? That the circumstances of this trial do not define God! But that God's goodness is displayed for all to see!

Mistletoe

So, with my mind on a possible job move and our upcoming trip to Colorado, I really didn't want to get the Christmas decorations out to put up for what I think to be too short of a time. Some single moms were walking door to door last weekend selling Mistletoe. I gave my donation and hung it in the entry way. Satisfied with my small Christmas spirit, I thought I was done decorating the house.
Well, after a facebook status discussion, I felt that I was being selfish to my girls by not making the effort. So, out they came!!! We did all but the tree. Christmas spirit dwells within my home now. In doing this, I let the girls try on their dresses from Poppi and Mimi that have patiently gone untouched all year. Here are their sweet faces after decorating together!

God is my Provider

I've known since the beginning of September that Nick's job with Young Life could no longer exist after December 31st. The funds simply aren't there. So, as we've been seeking the Lord for options I have found myself back at the basic knowledge that God is my Provider. Is it easier for me to trust Him in this because we have a cushion in savings? Because we have two sets of parents that would welcome us into their home if we couldn't pay our mortgage? These have been convicting questions to me. I know that I know- that I know -that God takes care of us. But is it easier for me to look like I'm living in that confident faith because of these "back ups" in my pocket?

Obviously we are now in the month of December and nothing has actually been decided yet. I hear my heater running all day today because it's 17 degrees outside and I think of the cost of being warm. I think about my Dr. appoint that is scheduled in January that I may have to try to move to next week simply because who knows if we'll have insurance.

Trusting God can only happen when there is something to trust Him with. I am so thankful that God has put me in this boat where I float in HIS Trustworthiness. Francis Chan talked about in a podcast I heard yesterday that in Proverbs 30:7 this man says this:

"Two things I asked of You,
Do not refuse me before I die:
Keep deception and lies far from me,
Give me neither poverty nor riches;
Feed me with the food that is my portion"

Dude!!! The guy is asking to live paycheck to paycheck. He doesn't want anything extra and he doesn't want to starve. To say, Lord, only give me what I need FOR THAT DAY! The timing of hearing this verse spoken in this way was perfect. I know that God has all the details worked out. There are conversations that are happening almost daily about options for Nick within Young Life and as they happen I wait with the Patience and Peace that God has given me during this time.

It would satisfy parts of me to come on this blog and post my big announcement of our plan. But, I have nothing to report. **Except to testify of God's Provision.**
HE has always taken care of us. I watch it through my parents generous hearts. I see it in the patience and peace that He provides. I see it in the fully stocked pantry and freezer. I see it in my girls closets that are full of hand-me-down clothes. We are set and it is because we are more than sparrows! We aren't set because I have some money in savings. We aren't set because we have parents that are generous and would take us in. We ARE set because God uses whatever he needs to to see that we are taken care of. I rest in that and will continue to even after I hear of the plan for our future. One day at a time!!!