Mountains

When I was four years old my parents taught me to ski. I'm not gonna lie.... I was irresistable on that big ole' mountain. Just a little puff of cuteness with no poles, snow plowing my way down a mountain. I remember being in the lift lines and having so many people just stare at me. They'd point and whisper and I pretty much knew they were talking about how adorable I was by the grins on their faces. As I write this, I wonder if this is where my great self-confidence came from? I always said that it came when I memorized Psalm 139 in 6th grade. It was at that time that I grasped that I was created by God and I was fearfully and wonderfully made. So, I've thought my confidence was accurately pinpointed to that moment in my past, but now I believe it came from my four-year old cuteness on the mountain!!


Over the years, I continued skiing and I enjoyed it. I love the mountains. But, it wasn't until I tried snowboarding that I fell in love with any kind of snow sport! After 18 years of skiing, I quit it and never looked back because snowboarding became more my thing! A couple of years into my new-found fun, I met Nick. The two of us did this together and loved that we had it in common. After only two weeks of knowing each other, we camped out and hiked a fourteener with a group of friends. (memory tidbit: I remember quoting Psalm 139 to him on our hike up the mountain.) Anyway, Having a strong love for the mountains is something we've always had in common. He soon introduced me to mountain biking and eventually road biking. I love that I get to do these things with my hubby.

But, here's the thing that is so hard. He gets more opportunities to do these things now than I do and I'm so tempted to let resentment sneak in. He's snowboarding this weekend. I'm home taking care of the kiddos. I feel like I am a way better snowboarder than I am a Mom. I failed pretty miserably with my girls last night. Tears, apologies and prayers were including at the end of my breakdown. Today, as I've looked back at last nights failure, there is a lot of guilt and overall sadness. I'd so much rather be on a mountaintop. Who wouldn't? I mean, we've all heard the analogy that there are mountaintop experiences and deep, low valley moments. (walk in the valley of the shadow of death...)

I handle my times in the valley so much better when my partner is not having fun on top of a mountain without me. I'm just sayin'.... this is where I am.

A Fix

All too often, I need a fix. A fix of contentment. Or a better put: something to fix the broken place that I find myself. Like a pressure cooker, I build up my frustrations. I often wonder why I can't appropriately react to each thing in front of me. Rather than building up to have the one small thing be the very thing that causes an unnecessary explosion!

I am being vague. But that is not because I'm trying to hide any particular event. It is an observation of how I fluctuate throughout most days.

Today was wonderful as my parents took my younger girls to spend the night last night. After dropping off my oldest at school this morning I wondered what I needed to tackle with my free time since my hubby is out of town for four days. What was the most important thing to do before settling in for a long weekend? Oddly enough, it was the organization of my home. Odd because who would choose to do that before hunkering down with five children with freezing temperatures outside? Me. Because I need a clean slate. If a mess on top of unorganized chaos happened, then I would really lose it.

So, I'm settling in focused on doing well without looking for any fix this weekend.

And Lord, may I always find my fix in You because I do know that nothing else fixes anything past the temporary! Thank you for being ALL that I need!! Amen <><

I Die Daily

This is hanging on a wall in my house and I love the simple and HUGE reminder that it brings. A bloggy friend just wrote about this and I just had to post this picture because of what she wrote!!!



It has various verses throughout scripture that basically support the idea of dying to your self!!! So good!
Since you can't read them all, they are:

1 Peter 4:1
Philippians 3:7
James 1:2,3
Romans 8:36a
1 Corinthians 10:31
Romans 8:13
Galatians 5:24
Romans 6:6
1 Peter 3:14
Galatians 2:20

Look them up, they are wonderful verses for living life!!!

Lazy

I cannot figure out why I am waking up exhausted every single morning. When I finally get my 2 1/2 hour break in the day to run or ride my bike, all I want to do is fall into bed. What is wrong with me? I'm not eating any different that I have been. I can't be pregnant ( I hear vasectomies are much more reliable than they used to be.) I'm sleeping plenty at night. I know it's probably cyclical. If I could just get myself exercising, then I'll have more energy. But therein lies the problem. Blah!

So, until that time comes where energy has been restored to me, I'm going to keep reading this Twilight Saga or crocheting during my breaks rather than run or ride my bike. Blech! I really don't like that I'm in this place. :(

Ah well, on a good note: I got a new camera and it takes great close ups!!!!

Answered Prayer

Thanks to prayer, comments, messages and emails I can sense the encouraged spirit that I have toward my gloom! In fact, the sun isn't even shining yet I feel like it has come out after many gray days. This is the best way that I can describe it.

Of course, I still long for prayer to stay as covered as possible in my struggle. I am just so encouraged to shift my focus off of my current circumstances and gaze at the amazing traits of our Father. He alone is so good. In the midst of the oppression that is around all of us in this world, He is so GOOD! I'm hearing the song of my childhood.... "God is so good, God is so good, God is so good, He's so good to me!!!" And of course, the next verse: "He answers prayers, He answers prayers, He answers prayers, He's so good to me!!!"

I am thrilled to pass along my encouraged tone on this day!

Adventure

I feel like I have been on a never-ending adventure. It had a beginning, but the ending.... not sure I can fathom that. It all began when our family took off for the camp where Nick was working for one month last summer. See, since my struggle is mothering, I was anxious to try to do it in another environment around lots of people for a whole month. I wrote almost daily on this blog about it here! It ended up being a wonderful experience as I got to watch my children love on high school kids and be adventurous with the things the camp offered.

But, I returned home to a total different life with my sister and her four kids living here. I'm so thrilled that they are here and I get as much time with them as I do. It is a strange thing to absolutely love having them here but struggling at how different life is. It's almost like I was in a waiting pattern for life to return to some sort of normal. I figured that would happen after Christmas Break. Oh, I'm getting ahead of myself.

There is Ashlyn's surgery that leads into our time in Colorado that leads into last night..... Here we go. Ashlyn had her tonsils and adenoids removed right at the beginning or Christmas vacation! The healing process for her was difficult. I don't want to expand on this so I'm leaving it at that. As a matter of fact, I want to wrap up this entire struggle with Ashlyn in a nutshell. I need prayer because watching her be sick is a difficult thing for me. She started a pretty big asthma attack when we took the tree down and dusted in places that had been neglected for quite some time. I am praying that God gives me more compassion for her.

So, my life's adventure seems to be continuing on without a whole lot of hope. I mean, I know that my HOPE is in the LORD. But, until that day comes of His return or my death, I am feeling depressed. I'm feeling sad about each day. Gloom. That's the word for my world right now. And the crazy thing is... I have a great life! I am blessed. Why the gloom if I am so blessed? It simply doesn't line up.

God, I am so glad that You are in my midst! You are here in this place of hardship with me. I don't have to invite You into my adventure because You are here. I love You and trust YOU!

Harmonica to Running Gear

It was ten years ago this Christmas that I sat in this very house in Colorado Springs with my then boyfriend opening the most thoughtful gift I'd ever received. He had paid attention during our time of courting to a passion of mine: the harmonica. I had always loved hearing the harmonica and thought I'd be pretty good at it if I tried my mouth and hands at it. I was baffled that a guy could be such a great gift-giver.



Fast forward ten years and he still has it. He has paid attention to my desire to be able to run during these cold months. I wanted great gear to be able do just that. I love the fresh air of winter and can't stand to be out in it improperly fitted. I opened an excellent pair of REI running pants, smartwool running socks and (from my in-laws,) a Nike dry-fit hoodie (with the smartest built in finger warmers ever!)

So, on this Christmas Day morning, I put my mountain trail running shoes on and took of on the trails of my in-laws golf course. It was perfect. I survived the cold and the altitude and paced myself and enjoyed the view of the mountains and the geese and the snow covered trail beneath my feet.

If you read my last post, you'd know that my prayer was to experience the Prince of Peace. I believe that I have experienced the Peace of our King this Christmas. It is not the stuff or the people that give the stuff that I find my Peace. It was on this run that I felt His PEACE the passes every one's understanding. It was there that I quietly praised Him and now proclaim His goodness!

My husband, the great gift-giver gave me a platform to find such things and for that, my heart is happy on this Christmas Day!!!